A man walks into a bar. His alcohol dependency is tearing his family apart.

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What do you call Chuck Norris being killed? This is impossible so we are not give it a name.

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What did Sammy get for Christmas? Raped.

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Why do men not get cullulite? Because it's ugly.

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How do you scare a little boy? You tell him everyone he loves was shot to death by you and then kick his guardian .

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what kind of dog has no tail? a hot dog

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How do black people vote? They go to their polling place, register, then vote for their candidate on election day.

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How do you kill a vampire? You can't because vampires aren't real.

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Why did the helicopter crash? Because the driver was fat.

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What's difficult and tedious to do? Trying to find a joke with 0 thumbs up/down -Sykes

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A man walks into a bard with a politician, an Asian man, and a sailor. They all get drinks and have a good time.

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Why did the boy chuck a fridge at the other boy? Because he broke his toy train.

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What did the boy ask the ice cream man? Can I have some ice cream?

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Tin is a chemical element with symbol Sn (for Latin: stannum) and atomic number 50. It is a main group metal in group 14 of the periodic table. Tin shows chemical similarity to both neighboring group-14 elements, germanium and lead, It is also the material Aodhan's house is made from.

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One day, a mother was speaking with her daughters. "Mommy," the first one said, "Why did you name me Daisy?" "Because when we brought you home, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Mommy," the second daughter said, "Why did you name me Rose?" ""Because when we brought you home, a rose petal fell on your head." "MMMBWWAAAAGGGH!" the last daughter cried. She was born with severe special needs and is incapable of coherent speech.

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why do jewish people have big noses? because air is free

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This is hypothetical remember, just examples with no roots in real life events. The problem with your former employee, was that he would easily have played the victim, certain organizations would have paid him a fortune for the intel he had collected, and surely also agreed to let him walk away, and get you and your small (relatively) crack team death penalty on the spot, just like the underground, you would have been branded terrorists simply because certain people would have earned billions by doing so. The wizard would most likely have gone free, as long as he shared every tiny bit of info, then the cops, the feds, would have blamed it all on you for being his supervisor, you would not have survived the ordeal, trust me.

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There are two muffins sitting in an oven, one muffin says to the other; boy it's hot in here. the other other muffin doesn't reply because it's a muffin, muffins don't talk. Now consider that the first muffin was a squirrel, A TALKING SQUIRREL!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. 97

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What's the difference between car keys and truck keys? Literally nothing.

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What did the orphan boy get for Christmas? Cancer. What did he get for his birthday? He didn't make it that far...

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So, a Turtle, a Giraffe, and a Hippopotamus walk into Stop-N-Shop. They are quickly excorted out and the Zoo is contacted to take the wild animals. The Manager wonders why they were there in the first place.

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Yo momma is so ugly that shes been taking self acceptance classes for her very low self esteem which is only one of many side affects shes had from years of bad relationships and being told she was and infact still is horrifically ugly its a truly sad thing and being the child of her you should be ashamed that you have not worked to help raise her self esteem

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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