A kangeroo is stuck in a tree with no headlights, how many waffles does it take to get to the moon? NO, silly. Snakes don't have armpits.

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Girl:Do you wanna hear a joke? Boy:Sure... Girl: jesus loves you

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What is Kanye West's favorite type of sea-food? Lobster Bisque with a side of french fries.

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What do you get when you cross a turtle and a platypus? Well, I don't think it's genetically possible by nature, but Turtpus is a pretty funny name.

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Why I am at the hospital now: True as it gets. I found on my working desk a small box of fluoride pills, I was like meh, but it said banana, strawberry, mint and pear, so I was like yeah! And grabbed a mouthful before going URGH! Then my friends entered laughing saying "I hope you do well on that test tomorrow!" So yeah, I passed out, and it turns out my "friends" (victims ill torture to they beg for death). 80 MG OF VALIUM!!! Yeah good trucking luck on my test eh? I nearly died twice, somehow, I think I should ask doc if my heart is okay or something, my head is fucked up the floor is all wavy and I cant differentiate numbers Seriously, one guy was gonna come visit say sorry, but he sent his girlfriend instead... My wife was so worried, that when I said: Mind if I have my vengeance by screwing his girlfriend? My wife said: I was so worried, you still okay? That actually sounds like a good scheme... So, yeah... I am typing this because, I am totally going to have a threesome... When and if my ever wakes up again... She agreed... She was always kinda into me but still! If you dont understand this, well... Next time, if you want to poison me, USE SOMETHING THAT KILLS ME! BECAUSE I WILL BE BACK!

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What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

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In the middle of english class, Little Timmy raised his hand and asked "Can I use the restroom" The english teacher said " I don't know, CAN you?" Little Timmy said "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?

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Why are women always wrong? Well, depending on the factors of IQ of said women, location and date, said time period of always can be deemed in every circumstance as incorrect to say the least, and derogatory. These days said derogatory actions are punishable by law.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in an open hole Poor body disposal practice

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Josh is sooo great at blowing, xoxo Dylan Hodge.

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A priest and a small child enter a bar. The bartender takes his son back from the priest, paying him $30 for his exemplary babysitting services.

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Can you smell what the Rock is cooking? Yes, it's delicious!

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What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, and Michael Jackson is dead....

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What did the polar bear say when he walked into a sauna? Absolutely nothing because he was a polar bear. I mean seriously, did I even have to ask? Everyone should know that a polar bear is an animal and he wouldn't say anything. If he did it would most likely be a growl or a roar. If you believed that he would have said something you obviously didn't pass the first grade. I finish with the fact that a polar bear would not survive in a sauna because they are accustomed to cold climate. I guess this was just a waste of time.

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Know what im sayin'? No but im wearing pants

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What happened when the man crossed the road? He lived happily ever after because he looked both ways for traffic.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, can I have a ball? No these can't be removed

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Who's Juan? DIS ONE

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What did the bicycle say to the fat kid? Nothing, bikes cant talk.

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Q: How do turn water into wine. A: You don't.

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Why did the black man get some Kool-Aid? Because he was thirsty, and thought Kool-Aid would be able to quench his thirst.

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Chuck Norris will eventually die because he is a human being, just like all of us. His movies weren't very good either.

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How many gays does it take to change a lightbulb? It's COMPLETELY circumstantial.

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Whats worse than a bee sting? 2 bee stings Whats worse than 2 bee stings? A car crash Whats worse than a car crash? 3 bee stings

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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