A man walks into bar carrying a nondescript glass bottle of beer. The bartender speaks up in a harsh tone "We don't allow outside drink here buddy! If you're drinking here, you're buying it from here! The man replies, "Oh I'm sorry, it's just that this isn't a normal beer. Every time you take a swig from it, you are granted one wish!" The bartender, who is at this point getting visibly irritated, "I ain't got no time for fairy tales. Screw off!" The man seemingly unfazed by this anger tells him, "I'm not any kind of liar. I have three sips left. You can have them if you want." The bartender snatches the bottle with his unwashed hands from the man. "Fine" he says gruffly "I'll drink your magic beer." He thinks for a brief minute and says to himself, "I wish I had an expensive sports car." and takes a drink from the bottle. No later then a second later, a Ferrari pulls up into the driveway. It is a sleek and dark red color. It was of the latest model and did not have a single scratch whatsoever. The bartender's eyes pop wide open in astonishment and he quickly makes his second wish, "I wish I had a beautiful girlfriend!". And he took another drink. No later than five seconds, A leggy 5'7 blonde bombshell steps out of the entrance. She dons a short white skirt, Long red stiletto heels and a jet black spaghetti strap top. The bartender starts to sweat and looks a little nervous. "And my final wi-EUGHAAAHGGHHH!" The bartender collapses from the floor drooling from the mouth. It turns out that the liquor he was drinking was 180-proof alcohol that his old liver could not take. The blonde woman steps back and lets out a disgusting shriek. "Ewww, this old ugly hobo just ODed on the floor. Can we go somewhere else for drinks Jeremy?" Her boyfriend replies, "Yeah good idea babe. This place looks a trash heap anyway. You deserve better." The couple do not hesitate in stepping into their sleek red Ferrari and driving off. The man who had given the bartender the beer proceeded to check the dead man's pockets and rob it of all of it's contents. Nobody ever caught the man, and not a single person in the bar cared enough about the bartender to call 911. Moral of the story: Magic does not exist and life sucks.

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what happens when you step on a bear trap? Alot of pain.

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How many people does it take to drive a car? 1 person

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Why didnt santa leave presents under the tree? Because santa doesnt exist.

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How many footballs fit in a glass of liquid. none, this football is HUGE!!!

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A Jew walks into a bar screaming cause he just broke his face

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What did the gay kid in high school say? I'm straight.

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Tyrone is innocent! I can't wait until Kirsty gets hers!

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What is Rebecca Blacks favorite resurant? T.G.I Fridays...

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it has a serious crack addiction and there was a drug dealer on the other side.

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A white man got injected by Heroin at a party and got instantly addicted.

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There are two fish in a tank and one says to the other, "how do we drive this thing?"

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What did the Doctor say to the patient. You have AIDS The patient took out a machete and stabbed the Doctor. The Doctor died. Two weeks later, the patient died of AIDS.

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A man named Hank, from Idaho takes a trip to Michigan. When he arrives, he rents a house and starts a meth lab. Hank is spending 7 years in jail. Hank was charged with stealing.

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Q. How did the blind man cross the road A. By an abmulance which took him to the hospital because his first attempt to cross was unsuccessful and the hospital was conventeintly located on the other side of the road.

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Q: how do u make a fireman cry? A: set his wife on fire

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Doctor, doctor, I have a cavity! Go to the dentist.

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What did the frog say when it was attacked? Ribbit.

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Why did Sara fall off the swing? Sara had no arms! Knock knock? Who's there? Not Sara!

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Why is it stupid to call your son Bethany? It is commonly a girl's name.

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What do you call a black person who puts out fires? a firefighter

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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Why doesn't Santa Claus like cantaloupe? Because he doesn't exist. You have to exist to like cantaloupe.

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what did the food critic say when he was handed a snickers? I'm allergic to peanut butter

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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