How do you make a baby stop crying? Make it smell its own diaper then, drown it in its own tears.

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A man walks into a bar and pulls out a tiny piano and a 12 inch pianist, which is really just his member with a smiley face drawn on it. Somebody calls the police muttering, "What is this world coming to?"

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What did the doctor say to the pregnant mother? Your babies dead

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Holy mother moley! Britain just brexited! Now there's no more Britain. Britain is all gone.

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Ask me if I'm on a horse. Are you on a horse? Um no horses are overrated.

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twenty three roaches walk into a bar. the bar is evacuated due to insects.

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What has two legs and bleeds alot? Half a cat!

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What's worse than 10 babies stapled to a tree? The Holocaust.

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Your mother is so white that when she dances, she is off beat a little bit.

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What happens to an elephant when it rains? It gets wet.

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whats green and has wheels grass and i lied about the wheels

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N-E Pats never cheated

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Why couldn't the towel talk? Because it didn't have a language.

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A sixty Year old man walks into a bank to rob it. He tells the bank teller, "Take the money and put it into a bag!" The teller told him, "Sir I don't have a bag." So the old man turns around and walks out.

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Have you tried Ethiopian food? -no -well it's really good

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A man walks into a bar. It was his push-up bar that he didn't install high enough. He bumps his head and it hurts.

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Q: If 2+2=Fish, then what does 3+3=? A: 6.

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If you play The Binding of Isaac backwards, it's about a boy who summons Satan in hell and ascends multiple floors and eventually revives him mom by sucking in tears. He eventually becomes less of a monster until going back to his home and living hapily with his mother, completely forgetting anything had ever happened.

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A man sees another man standing at the edge of a tall bridge looking down. Man: Don't jump! No one wants you to die. You have your whole life to live and I'm sure you will find happiness somewhere. I was once in the same position as you, questioning if god really wanted me on this earth at all. But I decided to make something of myself and now I am a very successful business man. You can do the same if you just put your mind to it and put your troubles behind you. Other man: I was just admiring the view.

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It's green, has four legs and sits in a tree. And if it falls on your head you're dead. A billiard table.

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Why did Bob get off the swing? Because he was done.

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Why did the blonde fall off the cliff? She was blind and deaf so she never knew where to go, and her parents kicked her out for her problems. It is a sad situation that noone wants to go through

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If anyone has a KIK, put it in the comments.

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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