Knock knock Who's there? The Land Lord The Land Lord who? I am here to evict you.

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When one person has an imaginary friend, you call it being crazy. But when more than one person has the same imaginary friend, you call it religion.

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How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? One.

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Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? He died! Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? He was attached to the first! Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? He thought it was a game! Why did the fridge fall out of the tree? The branch broke! Why did Sally fall off her bike? She got hit by three monkeys and a fridge!

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Q: How did the dead baby get to the other side of the road? A: I threw it over there.

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what’s worse than 12 dead babies in one trash can? one dead baby in 12 trash cans

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Q: If your 17 year-old-daughter is a drug addict, how many cartwheels are you going to have to do to make it to Georgia? A: The French Revolution, because your grandmothers facebook shows an 11 year-old selling Concords to a green alien, which can only mean that over 600 people watch pórn daily.

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Why was the man hit by the car? Hellen Keller was driving.

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What do an elephant, and a banana have in common? Neither one is an ambulance.

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person: Ask me if i'm a tree other person: are you a tree? person: no

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How can you tell if your wife is dead? She won't have a pulse.

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Q:what did the Aardvark say to the other Aardvark. A: nothing because Aardvark do not have the mental capacity to carry out basic conversations

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A teacher at a school in America is writing on a chalk board. He asks the class what 50 - 20 is. The teacher begins to become impatient when noone put their hands up. This is because the school is an educational facility for asylumn seekers from Rwanda and all of their hands were cut off by a Warlord.

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Math: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 4 in the other, what do I have?" Answer: "An unreasonable amount of bottles to hold in two hands."

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There were two muffins in an oven. They were forgotten about by the baker so they cried, caught fire, burned to death, and formed a medium-sized pile of ashes.

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What do you call a zebra with no stripes? A zebra with no stripes

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That awkwad moment when a homeless man runs naked around a golf cource yelling hears the 19th hole bitches.

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If I was a backstabber, you would have been dead already, without me having anything to do with it in the first place, listen, we cannot change the world, those that control the media, control the world. And our role was the opposite, we wanted people to find their individual selves and put their talents for use for themselves and us, today the media tells people who they are, what they like, and what to eat and wear. None of us can do this, point zero is gone, its simply a matter of time, but if you want to try, I can do what I can, in hopes of delaying the inevitable.

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Yo mamma so fat that when she gets in bed she gets sleepy

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In the attic lights Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Lights, voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic

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How do you make a mailman cry? Kill his family.

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Q: Why did the man die of starvation??? A: He didn't eat for 3 days!!

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Why was six afraid of seven? Seven was a serial killer.

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how do you kill a bird? tie it to a tree throw a wasp nest at it and run the tree over with a semi filled with manure

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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