If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed. I will also remove you from my friends list on Facebook because stealing isn't nice.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: Yeah, these clippers have belonged to my grandfather, father, and me. Bill: Darn, thats quite amazing, I wish I could get a pair of those, but I doubt they still make them. Sean: I'm pretty confident they don't, but you can borrow these anytime. Bill: Thanks Sean thats very generous of you. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

- Mom, you have a banana in you ear. - Son I can't hear you, I have banana in my ear.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

You know what is totally sick? A person with stage II cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What did Hitler say to his wife? It's time to go start the Holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the boy cross the road? He was visiting his dying grandmother at the hospital.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7, killed 6's family and made him watch...

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why didn't the boy cross the street? He didn't have legs

thumb_up thumb_down +1

I wear my sunglasses at night. I'm always getting into car accidents.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What's wet and pink and fun to watch in someone's face? A big bubble gum bubble exploding into someone's face.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms and she was blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A lady walks into her bedroom and sees her boy friend having sex with another girl. She hears the phone ring and a voice says "your grandma died".

thumb_up thumb_down +1

So a boy walks into a bar. He broke his arm and now is severly crippled

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs falling skydiving? Jon, because that's his name.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What is the difference between a Camel And a Strawberry? A strawberry is red.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

whats the difference between an orange and a dead baby? one is a tasty treat and the other is an orange

thumb_up thumb_down +1

How are a cow and a wall the same? They both go "moo". Except for the wall.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

You wanna hear a joke? The 19th amendment. Just kidding, women are actually a very valued part of our society. Just kidding again.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

How many blondes does it take to skrew in a lightbulb? Usually just one.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Weed.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

yo mama so stupid i'm fairly certain she has a learning disability.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did my ex-husband get fired from the m&m factory? He was throwing away all the W's.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What happened when the black woman moved to the front of the bus? There were no seats available but everyone was very nice about it. She also asked for gum. Somebody did have gum. Which was nice.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

How do you know if you have a good slave? It is hard working and determined... And black

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops