What did Siri say to Cortana? Nothing. Someone has to say something in order to activate either one of the voice recognition devices.

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Why did Sally fall off the swingset? she had no arms... Knock Knock Who's there? Not Sally

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roses are red, violets are blue, your boyfriends thinks i'm hot that's why he dumped you

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Doctor, people dont notice me anymore, doctor?... HEEEEEEEEEEEY!

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Q: what's blue and kills you when it falls from the sky? A: a whale no shit

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How do you get girls to watch a crappy movie? Tell them Taylor Lautner is in it.

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Why didn't the family finish their picnic? Because a dog was sick all over the food.

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what do you call 69 babies in one room? a room full of babies

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A duck walks into a restraunt and sit's down at it's table. The waiter asks what the duck would like to eat. The duck says "I'd like a tasty, healthy meal that will help me lose weight." The waiter says "How about the rocket salad?" So, the duck orders a rocket salad, eat's it, pays his bill, and leaves.

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1)Did you hear about the sick juggler? 2)No... 1) He just couldn't stop throwing up!!!! 2)Oh no!! Is he ok?? 1)He's dead. 2)HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA c&h

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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from south park what do u call a jew on a rope no one ever said the answer, so my answer is a jew on a rope.

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Q:So there's a black guy and a mexican sitting in a car...who's driving? A: The Cop

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Knock knock Who the fuck says knock knock?

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What did the driver have when he got hit by another car? An accident.

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your mother is a well respected woman in society and makes delicious cookies.

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Have you ever tried Ethiopian food? Neither have they.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I like trains (:

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Yo momma's so stupid she comes up in a lot of jokes titled "yo momma jokes"

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What's worse than a murderer? Two murderers.

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I went to the doctor and explained to him, "My penis fell off." The doctor gives me an odd look, and then chops his off to make me feel better.

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Q: Were did suzy go after the explosion? A: Everywere

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Why did the lady have a birthmark on her leg? Because she came out of her mother's leg.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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