What did the mental patient say to the apple? Hi, my name is Chris.

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Whats the saddest part about the sandy hook shooting? There were still bullets in the clip... Im going to hell by the way.

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Jeremy has 8 apples. Susie has 3. how much does Jason have? Purple because aliens don't like grapes.

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why was the tolit stoped up. because it had phoo

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A tree falls over on an old woman. Mysteriously, the woman lifts the tree up and walks away. A man is amazed by this, so he goes and asks the woman how she managed to lift the whole tree. She tells the man that he is an idiot an walks away. Later inspecting the tree, he realizes it is a small sapling weighing no less than 10 pounds

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what do you call a seagull that flies over the bay? -a seagull

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A guy walks into a bar and says ouch.

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What do you call a large group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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Knock Knock I'm sorry but the new don't ask don't tell laws require me to not answer but do feel free to come in for some tea.

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Two Black Males walk into a bar. A white old lady leaves cautiously. Everyone else stays and has a great time with them as they are actually two very good guys, and funny too.

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How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb? One.

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What did the crazy asian man say just before he died? He didn't say anything- he was in an 18 month long coma due to a brain stem stroke. He left behind a wife, a 3 year old daughter and a newborn son.

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What looks like a flower, smells like a flower, and feels like a flower, but isn't a flower? Just kidding it's a flower

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A horse walks in a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?"..... The horse incapable of understanding the humane language promptly poos on the floor and leaves.

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I used to get on Facebook, then someone asked me to save a child in Africa by liking a picture of Jesus or ignore it and go to hell

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Q:What does a virgin and a penny both have in common? A:Guys don't want them.

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It sucks if you have amnesia. It sucks if you have amnesia.

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A tree fell in the forest. The person in the house it hit heard it.

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Why are fire trucks red Well fire trucks have 4 wheels, and they have 8 people in them, 4+8, is 12, there are 12 inches in a foot, a foot is a ruler, Queen Elizabeth was a ruler, Queen Elizabeth was a boat, boats sail the seven seas, fish are in the seven seas, fish have fins, the Finns defeated the Russians, Russians are red, And that is why fire trucks are red.

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? A Trampoline.

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What do you call an awesome school? St Heinrich's Law School (Teaching you to break the laws!)

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How do you get someone off a swing? ask them politely.

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How long does it take a blonde to skrew in a light bulb? Any amount of time; given that she knows that said bulb is in need of replace meant, or that said blonde is disabled, or if you thought I would make some kind of funny blonde joke that you would tell your friend and then forget ten minutes later, only to think of it a day later and claim it as your own.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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