Q: Why did the lady retire? A: Because she had been working for numerous years and felt that she needed to spend more time with her family.

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Why did the man reach for his gun? Because he wanted to kill someone.

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What's brown and sticky? A stick

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how do you know if your friend is your best friend? if he cries you cry, if he laughs you laughs, if he jumps out a window you laugh again.

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Gay's

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What do you call a seagull that flew into the bay? Wet.

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a man walks into a bar, only it was an alternate universe so there were dogs running the bar. the bartender dog called human control because it was unsanitary to have a human in a bar. the human was then escorted out by another dog and was taken to a hotel where he received no continental breakfast.

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Why did the blonde get fired from the m&m factory? She made skittles.

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Superman, Batman and Spiderman are all in a race. Who wins? Grow up. Superheros aren't real.

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so... how about that airplane food

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Where did Susie go when the bomb went of? Everywhere?

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Why was Newton surprised when the apple fell on his head? Because he was sitting under a pear tree.

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I came home from my doctor`s appointment today, I told my sister that I was diagnosed with The Super rare "Spontaneous Erections Syndrome" (S.E.S) a very rare disease that can seriously impair the victims life in general, especially the social life, as symptoms may show themselves even among friends, pets, grandmas, enemies, and even close family! She told me that everybody knows I a just a kinky pervert with bulge so big it scared girls away instead of attracting them. Excuse me, what the hell is patient confidentiality good for if my doctor is going to call my sister and tell her everything she said to me afterwards?!

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Q: what is blue and floats in a pool? A: a baby Q: what is purple and at the bottom of the pool? A: the baby 5 minutes later

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what did the blind, deaf, retarded child, without any arms or legs get for Christmas? nothing, his parents are dead

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What does a horse and a donkey have in common? They are both very different from trees

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What do you do if you have a worm in your apple you throw it away

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Q. What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A. Where's my tractor?

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When is a door not a door? Never, a door is an inanimate object and is thus incapable of transforming.

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Your mother is so fat that when she looks in the mirror she is deeply upset by her appearance.

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Why was the girl crying? - Someone pooped on her face.

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What did the homeless man say to bill gates? Nothing he was about to die.

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Why did the clown want a new bike? Don't ask me, clowns are allowed to want things too

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Hey, Batman Yeah? Knock Knock Who's there? Not your parents!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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