Your feet are so big your gonna need bigger shoes.

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What did the man say to the woman he was in love with? Sure, I understand and I'm okay with being just friends.

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Ill do a lot more than just try you, anyways, technically I learned to play the piano as a kid, but now I play on a small cheap keyboard (the musical kind) and sincerely, I kinda suck at it now, my abusive parents expected perfection beat the shit out of me blahblahblah, thats really all of it, trauma. My senses, well, when I was a kid I was terrified of gravity (one of the rarest fears in the world) because I had no idea I was consciously shifting things myself. So lets say... If I somehow end up hanging upside down, I just shift it, so my brain believes I am not and I experience no discomfort, there is a lot more to it, ill tell you, damn nose wont stop bleeding and my waifu got a bit scared, she got some bad bronchitis and she still has not recovered a 100 percent, but its just the cough now though... Lets just say that my ability to balance, is about 300-500 percent higher than any regular human, and that I can stand on one leg enough to beat the guiness record book 50 times... ...IIIIF I was in good shape, which I am not.

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Why was the black man in prison? He was wrongly accused of a felony and the jury by whom he was tried was largely racist.

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What do you call a man with a limp? A limping man.

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Friends are a lot like trees... ...they fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.

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How do you stop a car from hitting a kid? You don't.

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Why is the fat kid on the ground crying? Because I hit him with a shovel

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An old lady at an atm told me to check her balance So i pushed her over

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How do you know what time it is in the dark? Turn on the light and look at the clock.

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What happened as a result of the bitter terrorist attack? The president began to devise a plan to help the abused child

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Verbal assault; because battering someone to death with a dictionary has never been so much fun. [L]

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what's better than winning the special olympics? -not being retarded

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How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb? 6 million, 1 to screw it in, and 5,999,999 to die in the holocaust.

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A man walks into a bar The bar now has a hole in it.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was stapled to a donkey

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What do you call a man who eats a swordfish at 11 o'clock? Dead by midnight.

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A gay man walks into a pregnant woman

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What do you call two blacks on a bike? Two good friends having a good time.

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Do you believe in magic? cuz i do.

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Q: What's blue, red, and circular? A: I lied about the blue, and... uh... the red and circular part too, but everything else is true. It is an ipod touch.

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Whats fast, dead and make of CGI. Paul Walker

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5

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what does 2+2equals? i think its 3 but i could be wrong

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops