Chuck Norris walks into a bank. There is a long line to get to the teller. Chuck Norris waits patiently in line.

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Hey I just met you And this is crazy But I am pregnant And it's your baby

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? A drum set.

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What did the man at the haberdashery say? Six and seven-eighths, bub, six and seven-eighths.

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1. In 2010, 8.8 million people fell ill with Tuberculosis. 2. Up to 70,000 children died in 2010 due to Tuberculosis. 3. Tuberculosis is the leading killer of people living with HIV with 1.4 million deaths. 4. Death from Tuberculosis has dropped 40% since 1990. 5. No country has ever eliminated Tuberculosis entirely. 6. About 46 million Tuberculosis patients have been successfully treated since 1995. 7. Children under 5 years old rarely get the disease. 8. Edgar Allen Poe’s mother, foster mother, and wife all died of Tuberculosis. 9. It can take up to 12 months to recover from Tuberculosis. 10. People with tuberculosis have symptoms such as cough that “won’t go away”, a cough that brings up blood, a fever lasting longer than 2 weeks, night sweats, fatigue, or noticeable amounts of acute weight loss. 11. Nearly 2 million people die from tuberculosis yearly. 12. Tuberculosis kills 5,000 people daily.

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What do you call a black priest? HOLY SHIT!!!!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? like most animals that wander onto the road, it was completely unaware that the road can be very dangerous. It didn't go onto the road on purpose, it simply treated the road as if it was just like the rest of the ground.

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If I threw a regular snowball at a random snowman, would my action directly result in the increase of the snowman's size or would it rather have caused to snowball to become substantially larger in succession? Only a few people could answer that question. Not all of us are actually philosophy aficionados after all.

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Why did Sara fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock.. Whose there? Not Sara

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Is there any non dirty numbers these days, 69, just kidding

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What did the man say to the duck? Nothing ducks don't talk.

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A guy walks into a bar, but a metal bar, he hurts his head, he goes to the hospital to get an x-ray, Turns out he hard a brain tumor, He died the next day,

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Why did the Armadyl godsword penetrated full Bandos? Because the AGS went up its tassets

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"I see," said the blind man to the deaf man.

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A gentleman walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What can I get for you?" The gentleman replys that he would like a beer. After the bartender fulfils the gentleman's order, the gentleman drinks his beer and enjoys it.

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*Pretend your an orphan] Knock knock Who's there? Not your parents.

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What's spongy and smells of treacle? Treacle sponge

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If you posten bout Kony I feel bad for you son. Cause ive snached 99 children and you pst saved none jesse

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Two twins are born only a minute apart. There is a mistake at the hospital and they are seperated. Years later they reconnect on Oprah and realize they do not have much in common.

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What did the girl get with no arms and no legs get for christmas? Cancer.

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What color is red paint? Red

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You know what isn't funny? Getting punched in the face. You know what is funny? Brittany Spears getting punched in the face.

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Some people are like Slinkies: they don't work as well as they say they will and you'll get bored of them quickly.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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