What happened when the turtle rolled over on his back? It proceeded to die because it couldnt find a way to roll over. An African tribe then decided to make the recently decised turtle into a delicious soup that lasted him and his family three days.

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What's better than winning the special Olympics? Not being retarded.

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Never bring a knife to a sword fight Bring A GIANT FREAKING HIPPOPOTAMUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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planned on writing you all an antijoke decided i wouldn't.

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Knock, Knock Who's there? Milkman! Milkman who? ....Timmy....I've been coming here for FOURTEEN YEARS! AND YOU CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER MY NAME?!?! I drove your mom to the hospital when you were born since your father is such a deadbeat. I helped pick out your name!! I'm sorry I wasn't born into wealth like you. I'm sorry I have to go door to door handing out milk for other people! I have been coming here every week for FOURTEEN YEARS! But no Timmy, no, don't try to remember my name. Just forget about all the laughs we have had. Or that time i left my family on Christmas because your mother needed me to go find you that Turbo man doll. I saved you from a burning vehicle! I helped you win your third grade science fair! Remember? I have a picture of us and that robot right here in my wallet. I show it to people all the time! Here's me and my...my pal Timmy. Well Timmy, this is it. You shan't see me again.

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The Game

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what's silver and red and keeps crashing into the walls? a baby with forks in its eyes

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why was 6 afraid of 7? 7 is your mom

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What did the passive-aggressive woman do to her husband? She killed him. As it turns out, the slight passive-aggressive behavior she was showing was actually an early warning sign of a dangerous sociopathic mental disorder. The authorities are looking for her as we speak and will have her institutionalized as soon as they find her.

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What do you call it when someone walks on another person's head? It depends. Face up, fetish. Face down, hate crime.

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What's brown and sticky? Poo.

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A man walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic, so to make his activities in the bar into a joke would be disrespectful and inconsiderate.

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What did the farmer say when his cow got stuck in a tree? - "Get down"

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One day a man was out fishing in the lake. Suddenly, there was a huge fish pulling his fishing pole so hard it almost broke. Luckily, he managed to pull the fish into his boat. It was the biggest fish he had ever caught and he brought it home for his family to see. They were all very proud.

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What's worse than biting into a worm and finding an apple? Why would you bite into a worm?

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Roses are red, white, pink, and many other colors. Violets similarly display many color variations due to generations of ardent florists.

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Your momma's so fat: She feels excluded by mainstream clothing outlets.

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roses are violets red is blue i like doughnuts doughnuts are good

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Why can't Helen Keller conduct a Train. Because she is dead.

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Because you killed my Llama. He was my best-friend.

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What's black, white, and red all over? A zebra that's been brutally cut open.

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Why was the 6 year old girl crying? Her step-dad kicked her in the face.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting ran over by a truck.

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How come Michael Jackson couldn't get into the petting zoo? It was closed.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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