Doctor, doctor, it hurts when I hit my head with a hammer!! Dont hit your head with a hammer anymore.

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Ever heard of carpel tunnel? Well after that girl it was more like carpal toungal

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Why is Barney green and purple? Because the producers of the show decided to make him that way.

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A man claims to own a talking dog. A skeptic approaches the man and his dog and asks for a demonstration. The man asks his dog, "How does sandpaper feel?" The dog says, "Ruff!" The skeptic is not convinced. The man then asks his dog, "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time?" The dog, who like all dogs cannot fully comprehend human speech, proceeds to lick his balls.

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What's black, white, and red all over? A zebra that's been brutally cut open.

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Why did the little girl fall of the swing? -because she had no arms Why didn't she get back up? -because she had no legs Why diddn't anyone help her? -because she was black.

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What did the man do when he dropped his bar of soap. He picked it up

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What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods? Santa Claus is a fictional old man who flies around delivering gifts, while Tiger Woods is a professional golfer.

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What do you get when you cross a peanut and a snake? peanutsnake

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How do you stop a bus? Throw a little child in front of it. If the driver is a loaf of bread, this phrase isn't rather important.

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What's the difference between George Michael and a microwave oven? One is a human being and the other is a resourceful appliance.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Poetry is hard And so is wood

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How old are you like 10? Im 11 so shut the fuck up

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Real Joke: The US Air Force operates Seymour Johnson Air Force Base. It is named for a seaman. Go look it up.

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Q: What do you call Justin Bieber with a penis? A: Darn good plastic surgery.

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Whats worse than runing over a box of kittens? Runing over two boxes of kittens.

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Of course, first door on your left

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How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? a lot.

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How many blind men does it take to change a light bulb?

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What did the old man catch at a baseball game? Aids.

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Why did the woman accuse a black man of stealing from a bank? Because she was eating a cornmuffin on the bench across the street when she saw a black man,stealing money from a bank

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What's worse than a bee sting? Two bee stings. What's worse than two bee stings? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? Three bee stings.

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Knock knock. Racism.

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How do you make a baby cry? Throw a brick at it's face.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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