call me a bitch You're a bitch Only bitches do what they are told!

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what do you call a baby in a blender? A really funny event.

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"One day this man walks out of his house to go to work. He sees this snail on his porch. So he picks it up and chucks it over his roof, into the back yard. Snail bounces off a rock, cracks its shell all to ****, and lands in the grass. Snail lies there dying. But it doesn't die. It eats some grass. Slowly heals. Grows a new shell. And after a while it can crawl again. One day the snail up and heads back to the front of the house. Finally, after a year, the little guy crawls back on the porch. Right then, the man walks out to go to work and sees this snail again. So he says to it, 'What the f uck's your problem?'" -Training Day

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why couldnt the kid get off the couch when his mom asked him to? he was paralyzed

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Why is it interesting to watch your mum shower? It's Not, its sick you pervert

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I was going to post some witty jokes, but then I realized they weren't funny.

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WHAT????

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What do you call a smart blond? A golden retriever!

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Three men of different ethnic and socio-economic upbringings enter a pub. A strange situation befalls them or a question is posed. The first two respond in turn, in manners typical of their profession or educational background. The third, however, either draws on his specific expertise and responds so as to outwit the others, or makes an egregious and pun-filled blunder, leaving himself open to mockery by his peers.

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whats the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline? I take my shoes off to jump on the trampoline

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Why was the sex offender sweating in the playground? Because he was pushing his over weight son on the swing.

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Who enjoys hearty wank sessions with friends and long walks on the beach? David Cameron.

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What is purple and flies? A purple plane.

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You are walking down the street, and a man keeps on getting in your way. You want to politely... Screw it already and stab him in the back

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Because the grass is always greener on the other side.

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What happens when a guy walk into a school and shoots kids? Oh sorry, to soon?

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what did the little boy say when the teacher asked what he wanted to be when he grew up? Adolf Hitler

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What's white and capable of flash photography? A pony, I lied about the photography.

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Violets are blue, Roses are red, I like to mix up my poems.

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A blonde walks into a bar... ...she got rufeed.

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Jesus sacrificed his life to prove that he was immortal. So where does the part where he gets nailed to a stick and beaten the shit out of fit in?

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Q: How do you stop a rhino from charging? A: Shoot it.

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What's worse then one bee sting? Two bee stings. What's worse then two bee stings? The Holocaust . What worse then the Holocaust? Three bee stings.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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