Yo momma so fat when god said let there be light he said get the fuck out the way!

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Honestly though bud, are you wasted? XD

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Boss: Do you know what lazy means? Employer: Yes, adopting a child.

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A Muslim terrorist walks onto a bus, with the mindset to blow him and the other 27 people. Before he steps onto the bus, he realizes the error in his ways and decides to not follow through. He goes to the airport instead.

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What do you tell someone who says they are contemplating suicide? where to find some cheap cyanide

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You know why Michael J Fox can dance like it's 1999? because he's a really good dancer.

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There is a new film coming out, it is a re-make of "Fatal Attraction" The only difference is, it is about two tonnes of antimatter... [L]

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What's one thing good about cancer? (make them guess) Nothing you fricking prick!

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whats Mario's favorite kind of jeans? Denim, denim, denim.

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A boy wakes up in the morning and says i"'m feeling kind of fishy today," the boy's dad walks in and relpies "that's because you are a fish."

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What did the lonely old man get on valentines day? Nothing, because his wife died of cancer two years ago.

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why did the chicken cross the road? Why not?

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What do you call a dolphin that drives a Mercedes Benz? Nothing. Dolphins can't drive.

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whats funnier than a joke? A: a funnier joke

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knock knock piss off

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A white man and a black man were walking down the street. The black borrowed the white man's phone to make a quick call when an incoming call came in. The black man, while trying to hand the phone back, says, "Here, it's your Dad." The white man replies, "No, that's my phone." Amazed at how uneducated the black man was.

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Why are all Asians smart? Not all of them are, Asians are stereotypically smart because their parents most likely grew up in an under-developed country and want their children to be successful because they don't want their children to experience what they did.

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what do you call the man making meth in his basement? the police to stop inappropriate behavior from reaching the children of society.

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Whats the difference between a Corvette and a dead bag of babies. -there's not a Corvette in my garage

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Darude- Sandstorm

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What does the alien say to the man? Nothing, because it is highly unlikely that an alien would ever land on Earth, and even more unlikely that they would speak the same language of us. On top of that, aliens would not know anything about our species, and would probably hide from us due to being frightened and eventually flee back to their home planet where we would never see them again because our techonology is not advanced enough and the chances that we would find their planet which is somewhere among the billions of planets in the universe, are slim.

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What is a Mexican's favorite restaurant? While the term "Mexican" encompasses a wide range of individuals and individual predilections, the most common cibarious preference would likely be a food that is reminiscent of his or her homeland; that is, what we refer to as Mexican food. An authentic nearby joint sporting such provisions would likely be the most common preference, but, as this description can only be traced on the local scale, a specific restaurant that covers a wider range of locations would be a more appropriate answer. Among the top choices are Taco Time and Taco Del Mar.

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What is worse than a worm in your apple? An apple in your worm!!!

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Knock Knock Who's there? Your landlord. Get the hell out.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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