what did bob say to joey, nothing joey's dead

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An Englishman, an American, and an Australian walk into a bar. They speak English to each other.

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How do you make a model ugly? you shoot her in the face.

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Dad: "Happy birthday, son! Let's go get a beer." Timmy: "But dad, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are, we hope that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing.” Timmy's mom had just died of cancer a few days ago. A friend walks in the door, not knowing Timmy's mom died just a few short days before his birthday. He screams, "Happy birthday!" TImmy: "Damn. I'm not going through this again."

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What happened to the lady with cancer?? She got shot!!

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There's a redhead, a brunette and a woman with green hair walking down the street. A man asks them how they all came to have such beautiful and vibrant hair color. The redhead smiles, runs a hand through her hair and replies "It's natural!" The brunette smiles, runs a hand through her hair and replies "It's natural!" The woman with green hair blows her nose, and replies "It isn't natural, I'm rebelling against society's conformist ideals. Also I was not loved enough as a child." She has a cold.

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i don't get it...none of these are funny.

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What drink is dark yellow and freshly squeezed from one of the most healthy snacks? Piss.

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What happened when the man rubbed the magical lamp? Nothing.

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What did the sting ray say to steve irwin? It doesn't matter , steve irwin is dead, dead as a doormat.

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why did sally fall off the swing? because she was a fish.

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Bill: Whats 2 + 2? Joe: Your mom

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knock knock who's there? a murderer. a murderer who? a murderer who kills you and your family.

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How to do you kill a blonde? Various methods, most effective of which is firing squad

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Batman, Superman, Spiderman and Wonder Woman walk into a bar. The bartender decides to ruin the joke by saying nothing.

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What's big, green, fuzzy, and will kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table

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What did the one legged girl do when her apartment caught on fire? She tried to hop to safety, but died of smoke inhalation.

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tight butthole 4 lyfe.

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Q. What's green, has wheels and flies? A. A garbage truck.

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What did the bartender say to the bugatti owner? "Don't drink and drive"

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How do gay guys have sex with women?? They dont, they are gay.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have Herpes, Now you do too.

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Fun fact: If you took the skin of an average person and laid it flat you would have enough to get a pretty serious criminal conviction, amirite?

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What did the suicide bomber say on new years day? Happy new year.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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