"You've got a lot of C in your body." said the doctor. Jimmy replied with glee: "Ah that's great news, vitamin C is.." "No you've got Hepatitis C, you'll be dead within a month."

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Why does Reid always have a blank stare on his face? Because he is constantly searching for the answer as to why his sister was raped, stabbed, and burned alive all right in front of his face.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

What do you call a Mexican on a boat? A sailor

thumb_up thumb_down +43

What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Old guitars sound like cat's guts

thumb_up thumb_down +43

A man walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic, so to make his activities in the bar into a joke would be disrespectful and inconsiderate.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

whats funnier than hugos penis? Nothing!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +41

why did the chicken cross the road? Does it matter why, it just did.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What did the doctor say to the camel with no hump? You're a horse.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Why did the Asian Cross the road? Because the crossing signal went green!

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Why did the cow have a pain in his stomach. It has testicular cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Whats worse than blue balls? Green Balls.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

if i had a nickel for every time iv typed an anti joke... i would have $0.15

thumb_up thumb_down +39

A black man, a jew, and an atheist are on a boat. Suddenly the boat started sinking. A mermaid would only save two of them. who do did she save? Mermaids don't exist. The all died. They were my friends.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

A Muslim, a Jew, and a Christian find a magical lamp with a genie inside. He offers each of them one wish. The Muslim wishes that people didn't look at his people as terrorists. The Jew wishes that the Holocaust never happened, and the Christian wishes for world peace. Actually this didn't happen, Genies don't exist.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Usually, the bad (anti) jokes are the ones that don't make you laugh. Sometimes you laugh "with" the joke, other times, you laugh at the joke itself because it is a paragon for human failure. The jokes on this website are not exempt from that rigid stipulation. However, it should be noted that all the "jokes" on this particular website are actually hilarious because of the latter reason delineated in the above paragraph. Additionally, this joke was created by a machine and thus the originator of this work is by no means able to learn from the process of trial and error and therfore can make myriad unfunny jokes without compromise.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

A Blonde, a Brunette, and a Red head walk into a bar They are friends from school and have not seen each other in 15 years; they are hoping to have a good night out

thumb_up thumb_down +37

A guy trips a blind man.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Roses are red, white, pink, and many other colors. Violets similarly display many color variations due to generations of ardent florists.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Whats white and looks like a bunny? a rabbit

thumb_up thumb_down +37

How many Manatees does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, assuming Manatees have hands.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

whats the difference between a white kid a nd a puerto rican kid? one smells fine and the other one smells like he walked out of a butcher shop that sells cigars and cheap prostitutes

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops