Call me for a good time! 402-805-2412, I do anal!;) -Martini Wyant

thumb_up thumb_down -9

On September 11th 2001, A worker of North twin tower man woke up to find his dog had chewed on his brand new phone. He went down stairs and realized his kitchen window had been broken. Getting ready to leave for work and saw his radio had been stolen out of his car. After finally making it to work and settling down in his office he spilled coffee on his lap. Enraged, the man yelled, "How could today get any worse!?"

thumb_up thumb_down -9

I saw a dog pick up a dead bird with its mouth. Crazy cause the bird had ants and maggots all over it, it smelled bad. Well anyways the dog drops it, and he stares at it for a few seconds. Then another dog comes and tilts his head. I'm guessing he's confused and is like "why did you pick that gross thing up? " So they both leave the bird there, in the first dog's owner's backyard. (He was on the cemented porch, not the grass. Just so you can picture it better) Okay well the two dogs go to the park, hoping to get some action with other dogs. Yeah, they were out of luck. There was no one there cause it was Christmas Eve. Who goes to the park on Christmas Eve? Do you? I know I don't. So the two dogs walk out of the park, heads down because well they're sad. On their way out, they see a dog with a bird in its mouth. They keep going because the dog was ugly, heading to the neighborhood going to the first dog's owner's backyard. They take a sip of water from the stainless steel bowl, munch out on some dog food. The dog food was from a 50 pound bag of dog food, it had all the nutrients and vitamins and minerals dogs need to be healthy. Oh and the brand was Iams. Pedigree is for owners that obviously don't care for their dogs cause Pedigree sucks. The owner of the first dog bought the food at the nearest PETCO for around 30$ That's crazy. 30$ for dog food. That's a good owner spending good money on his dog. I would do the same. So when the dogs were done eating, the first dog looks for the dead bird. (The bird the first dog had picked up at the beginning of the story) Turns out the bird is missing. Where could it have gone? The two dogs look everywhere. Then after 20 minutes the second dog says "Hey! We're being clumsy. The third dog had a bird exactly like yours! " So they run to the park hoping they'll find the third dog. He wasn't in anyone's sight until suddenly a familiar voice coming from behind says "Looking for this, Bimbos? What fool would leave such a delicious bird like this in their owner's backyard? " The first dog says "Hey! Give me back my bird! " The third dog refuses. So they begin to fight. Then the second dog snatches the bird And runs away with the bird. The two fighting dogs are still fighting till they notice the horrible stench is gone. The second dog isn't anywhere in sight. That shit cray.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Your such a whore, you most likely cut your own clothes so people will see more of your body that they find physically attractive and make a partner for sex easier to obtain

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A person affected by Alzheimer's is asked a knock knock question- Knock Knock Who's there? Boo Wait what are we doing again?

thumb_up thumb_down -11

So I said to the man "That's no banana, thats my wife!"

thumb_up thumb_down -11

wh did a man all of his bike? It was a wet and slippery day, he had a lack of control and concentration

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Your momma soo fat.... that if she doesnt start exercising and eating right she will be more likely to get adult onset diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

If John has 50 candy bars and eats 45, what does he have? Diabetes. John has diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's green and runs through the forest? - A pack of cucumbers. What's wrong with that? - Cucumbers aren't pack animals.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Grease is the word that you heard it's got groove it's got meaning

thumb_up thumb_down -13

How do you make a baby cry? Throw a brick at him.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Q. What's yellow and sour? A. Not a banana

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Where did the kid go when the bomb exploded? Everywhere

thumb_up thumb_down -13

B=boy G=girl B:hey i got a good nock nock joke but you have to start it G:okay nock nock B:whos there?

thumb_up thumb_down -13

A Blonde Goes On "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire"

thumb_up thumb_down -13

roses are red violets are blue heres the oven now where the **** is the jew

thumb_up thumb_down -15

96

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Last week, one of my ex girlfriends called me. She said she had to tell me some bad news. "I don't know how to tell you this but I have AIDS. I really didn't know how to reply to that so I said the only thing I could say. "Yeah, I know."

thumb_up thumb_down -15

The Pope walks into a bar, the barman says: "What'll it be, Pope?" But the Pope's knowledge of English is tenuous at best. He mumbles something in Latin that the barman doesn't understand. The Pope becomes frustrated and leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did Suzie die? She ate too many fried twinkies.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

roses are red violets are blue do i care? no.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Q-if you are what you eat ,does that make you cannibal? A- yes

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? A hat

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops