To the 'am i pregnant now?'-section: Yesterday I spilled mustard on my brand new pants. That was just before I went out to some clubs. That night, after I had enjoyed myself with friends and alcohol, while I was walking home I was raped several times by big, black and hung men. It hurt a lot and my anus is still bleeding. My question is: What is the best way to get rid of the mustard stain?

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Why did the road cross the chicken? Well, according to Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity, if you and the chicken were to cross the road simultaneously, your perspective, relative to the chicken, would remain unchanged. Therefore, the road would appear to move underneath the chicken, which would seem to be performing some style of polka dance.

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What's worse than the WNBA? The Cleveland Cavaliers.

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How many drugs does it take for Eminem to sing in a live concert? Enough.

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Bang Bang Get the hell out of the house, it's on fire.

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What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? We are both lawyers.

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Why did ben 10's omnitrix or watch break? Because he kept slapping it.

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What do you call 10 black people swimming down a current? A happy family

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I'm homeless.

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A Texan, a Mexican, a Brit and a Frenchman are on a plane that begins having engine trouble. The black box was never found.

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Yo momma so stupid, she had you.

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My spelling is horrible

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My wife was diagnosed with cancer yesterday. Yeh I didnt find it very funny either.

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Q:what do you call a black man with blonde hair flying a plane? A: A pilot

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A blonde walks out of a hair salon She had just dyed her hair.

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What is green and is not grass A frogg

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What's the difference between a baby and a tea bag? Tea bags don't scream when I dip them in boiling water

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A guy wearing a top hat walks into a bar. He says, "Ow."

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If you can cut half a rope. You can cut the whole rope.

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Excuse me. Oh, would you mind hitting the 15th floor button for me? Thanks.

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Why did sally fall out of the tree? Because sally was morbidly obese and uprooted the tree from underneath her subsequently causing her to splash violently on the ground. Why didn't sally get back up? Because the splash caused the earth to spin at 40000 rpm into the sun.

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Two black men walk past a white man who recently hung himself from a tree. Oh the racist irony.

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What's the difference between a Mexican and a T-Rex? Humans are vertebrates belonging to the Mammalia class, chiefly a member of the species Homo sapiens; dinosaurs are chiefly terrestrial, herbivorous or carnivorous reptiles from the extinct orders Saurischia and Ornithischia.

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What happened when Johnny fell off of his bike? He suffered a very tragic and fatal brain hemorrhage resulting in a lower population by a minute percentile that is undetectable by the US Census.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops