Knock, knock. Who's there? Your parents are dead. And happy birthday!

thumb_up thumb_down -17

How many babies does it take to cover a roof? Depends on how thinly you slice them.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

My girlfriend gave me her first ever blowjob last night. I came in her mouth and she washed it down with a can of Carling. Obviously she had to get that horrible taste out of her mouth, so she gave me another blowjob.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

i bought a knock-knock joke book, and was unamused.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What's the difference between an alligator and an argyle sweater? There are far too many conceivable differences between the two objects to be able to give an actual definite variance between them.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What's red and the size of a packet of crisps? A Miscarriage

thumb_up thumb_down -17

An astronaut walks into a bar. He orders a beer. After waiting for about 1 and a half minutes he receives his beer. The bartender says it was 3 dollars. The astronaut checks his wallet and finds no money so he pays with credit card. The bartender swipes his credit card but the card doesn't work. So the astronaut takes out his debit card. When the bartender swipes the debit card it worked. In relief the astronaut looks at the bartender and says "Thank you" and then goes home.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

If John had 4 apples and gave 2 to Mary, what is the circumference of the sun?

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What do you call a man with no arms and half an eye? Larry -Jack Sparrow

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Whats white and rubs stuff out ? An albino with a rubber.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

-Knock Knock -Who's there? -George. -George Who? -George Carpenter, Remember? We were in the same class in third grade. -Come on in!

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Q. Why did the 8 year girl scream and cry when she was raped? A. I have no idea either. I drugged her and taped her mouth closed.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Making jokes about 9/11 is just plane wrong.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

2 guys are in a bar joking and having a good time. One guy looks to the other and says, "So...HOWS your wife?" The man replies "...She died in a horrible car accident." The man's friend then says "...I am sorry to hear that.." "Yeah I know I wish that God damn rat wasn't in the road goddamn fucker"

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What's the difference between a portuguese widow and a llama? One is a portuguese widow and the other isn't.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

ever tried african food? they neither

thumb_up thumb_down -17

So a plane flies into a world trade centre... That's not funny

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What's worst than dropping your watch into the gutter? Waking up with a penis on your head.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

How come the kid couldn't go to college Because he was black and couldn't afford it

thumb_up thumb_down -17

When is the best time to wear a striped sweater? All the time.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Have you seen stevie wonders new house No Neither has he

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why didn't the black man go to work? He had to attend his sister's funeral, who just recently passed away after her long hard battle with breast cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A man died.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Magic! Well not really, you see, people that are stressed have the tendency to remain far longer into the state of hypnosis because their body conciously and subconciously (I am typoing it, but I cant bother to type it correctly fuck it) seek out the state of peace that hypnosis gives more often. Anyway, I know another thing that helps relieve stress, cough... Now, did you know that if you push your nose upwards slightly, you will feel a finger between your legs? its because nerve endings are connected that way, give it a go.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops