Why did the car slow down? Becuase the driver pressed the break

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Why did the pedophile skip breakfast? He said that he would grab a little something on the way to work...

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What did the Jewish man get for Christmas? Jews don't celebrate Christmas, therefore nothing

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what did the boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? a bike

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Why are plants green? Plants are green due to the chloroplast organelles found in their cells. These membrane bound organelles are exclusive to plant cells and are used to convert sun light to usable chemical energy. This energy is stored in the form of ATP molecules, or adenosine triphosphate. When one of the three phosphate groups of an ATP molecule is removed, the molecule releases the energy put into this bond and becomes ADP, or adenosine diphosphate. Throughout this process, the organelle fulfills its sole function and at the same time gives plants their green color our eyes perceive today.

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Why does a man wake up every morning to do the same job over again? Because, wait... what the heck kind of a question is that?

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Q: Wy did the Araib cross the road? A: To open another gas station.

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What's funny about a man walking into a bar? He was a clown.

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Two men walk into a bar The first man says to the bartender: 'Can I have a glass of H2O?' The second man says: 'Can I have a glass of H2O too?' The Bartender gives them both glasses of water because he is not irresponsible to serve hydrogen peroxide in his bar.

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Why did the guy hate the man that said,"I respect you?'' Because the man was Hitler.

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Why did the cow jump over the moon? To see outer space

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2 men were friends 1 went to hell The other went to heaven

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Why did the bird fall out of the sky, It hit one of the random green pipes.

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who should be competing in the paralympics? Brent the retard!

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Koalas mum is a slut

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Your mother is so ugly that I removed her from my friends list on Facebook.

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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Like this joke, bitch.

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What's black, then white, then dead all over? Michael Jackson

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OOOOPPS /

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9/11

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Why did the old man fall down the stairs and died? Because he had a stroke and never got life alert!

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A cowboy rides into town and stays the weekend but then leaves on Wednesday, how is this possible? He was alive for the weekend and died on Sunday, his body left on Wednesday. Now get a job and be happy with your life.

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A Jew walked into Germany. He never walked back out.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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