Why did the black man scream in church? He felt like it.

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What is funnier than a dead baby? almost everything. there is nothing funny about a dead baby.

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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what do you call a kid with no arms and legs under a bus an ambulance, he's obviously in pain

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A woman wearing a very fancy, striped sweater walks into a bar and sits down. The bar tender asks her “what’ll it be”?. The girl replies “Just a beer for me”. As this happens a child in Africa dies from complications due to starvation.

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there is a black guy and a mexican in a car whos driving? a cop

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A man walks into a bar and approaches a man "Ask me if I'm a tree." "Fine.Are you a tree?" "No."

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What time is it? 20:45.

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Why did the Armadyl godsword penetrated full Bandos? Because the AGS went up its tassets

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Once upon a time, there was a cat. He died.

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I swear to drunk officer I'm not god.

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an emo kid walks into mcdonalds and orders a happy meal

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What did the three sixteen year old boys do to the homeless man late at night? Wished him a happy birthday and gave him a meal

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What the difference between a black person and a piece of shit in a bucket? The bucket

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What does a chocolate bar and a dolphin have in common? Nothing

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Why couldn't little Tiffany play kickball with the rest of the kids during recess? Tiffany is a pencil.

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What did the blind boy get for Christmas? The same toys from last year.

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black people

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What's the deal with airplane food? I've never tried it. I'm just curious how it was.

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What's brown and sticky? A stick. What's brown, sticky and crawls up your leg? A homesick poo.

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What do you call it when a dead man has his wallet stolen? Rob Zombie.

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Knock knock Who's there? NYPD you are being placed under arrest come out with your hands up.

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Roses are roses Violets are violets Sugar is sugar And you're a person

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a kid plays computer games alot and gets carpoltunel in both hands and lives in pain for the rest of his life.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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