HAVE A GOOD DAY. DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.

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what do a carrot and an elephant have in common? theyre both orange except for the elephant.

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Person 1:"Knock Knock" Person 2: Whos there.... Wait why did you literally say the words "Knock Knock" Person 1: I have no idea

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A baby walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, "what'll ya have, Sport?" The baby's family runs in with a video camera screaming for joy over his first steps.

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Why do hummingbirds hum? They don't realize how annoying it is.

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What's the difference between a dead baby and an egg? Ones delicious with bacon, the others an egg.

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How many men do you have to have sex with to show that you're gay? But, I'm a woman!

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suck my balls mr.garison

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Whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? Jews undergo metabolism, maintain homeostasis, possess a capacity to grow, respond to stimuli, reproduce and, through natural selection, adapt to their environment in successive generations. More complex living organisms can communicate through various means.[1][5] A diverse array of living organisms (life forms) can be found in the biosphere on Earth, and the properties common to these organisms—plants, animals, fungi, protists, archaea, and bacteria—are a carbon- and water-based cellular form with complex organization and heritable genetic information. Pizza does not.

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What would Walt Disney be if he were still alive today? Still anti-semetic

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mommy, mommy, the ice cream man is coming can i have a dollar? sure sweetie. YAY! Goes up to ice cream truck, ice cream man asks what would you like little boy, would you like chocolate, vanilla, str.... Ice cream man steals small boy.

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::ring::ring::ring:: Hello? Is your refrigerator running? Yes, yes it does! Why? I work for a local home appliance superstore and we are having a special on repairs and maintenance. Would you like to try our home appliance maintenance offer? I'm sorry no! I do not actually have a refrigerator. I only have a cooler. Bye! ::the man shuts off his cell phone and sets it on top of his styro-foam cooler as he mumbles to himself alone while on his boat, "Darn advertisement offers!" and continues to fish in the middle of the lake::

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Why doesn't Stephen Hawking play football? Because he's a nerd.

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When life gives you melons. You're not dyslexic because you can probably tell the difference between a lemon and melon because they look so different.

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A muslim walks pass a bomb shop on his way to the international peace club.

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What do you get when you cross a celebrity with drugs? A highly probable circumstance.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have Alzheimer's Roses are red...

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I love it when i go into my classroom first thing in the morning, and the light are off... i always feel so Empowered... i walk in, and say Let There Be Light! while i lift my arms up and there was light.... omg! im god! O_O

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Why couldnt the car move? It got blown up by a tank.

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Why does Charlie Sheen do cocaine? Because his father was a poor role model and he's an unstable celebrity.

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I can't make my mind about the debate on legalisation of marijuana. Some days I think it's a good thing. Somes days I think it's a bad thing. And some days, I don't think about it at all and I just think it's a very nice day.

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What did a policeman say to his belly? Nothing. Because he knows his belly is incapable of speech.

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A woman walked out of the kitchen.

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I'm on a see food diet- it consists of fish and molluscs. sea*

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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