why was tommy so sad?............because he had a frog stapled to his face.

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What do you get when you jab a four year old with a pair of scissors? A warrant for your arrest.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll order The Special, what's wrong with you?

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What can you conclude about a black man in a mercedes? He has crack and car insurance.

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A guy orders soup at the resturant and says to the waiter, "will you try this soup?" The waiter says "what is it too hot?" the guy says "just try the soup." the waiter asks "Is it too cold?" the guy sais just try the soup." the waiter says "fine, where's the spoon?" AHAHHH!!!

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why did josh pick up the quarter because he's a jew

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I just missed my bus. At least I haven't got cancer.

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whats white and looks like paper paper

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what is worse tahn finding a worm in your apple? finding hitler in your house.

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How many software professionals does it take to get a file committed to source control? Well, today it took five.

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What did the daddy hamster say to the baby hamster? Nothing. Male hamsters eat their young.

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Did you hear the one about Helen Keller? Neither did she.

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im gunna build a lego house what shud i make it out of

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knock knock who's there Scott, Scott who, Scott Rollheiser stole my joke and posted it here.

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What do you call a Muslim in control of a plane? A pilot

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Hey, did u know that diarrhea is hereditary? It runs in your jeans By: Trey & Trenton of Texas

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why was the giraffes head so far away from his body? because he has a long neck

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What's black and white and red all over? A piece of discarded newspaper previously covering the half dismembered torso of a dead prostitute.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it died! Why did the chicken fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the monkey!!

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whats the difference between and clorox wipe and a paper towel? a clorox wipe is wet.

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What do Ethiopians do for dinner? Starve.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Halts Maul Reid. Das ist, was ich rede.

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With the exception of pigs, both pigs and blue jays can fly

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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