How do you make a baby cry Throw a brick at its face

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How old is your mom? Old.

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Three women are on an airplane. One's a blonde, one's a redhead, and one's a brunette. Unfortunately, the plane was going to crash and there was nothing they could do but jump out and parachute to safety. So the captain said to each of the three ladies, "You can only take one of your possessions when you parachute out of the plane." The blonde says "I will take my watch becau--" But before she could finish her sentence the plane exploded because the flames on the wing had ignited the fuel tank. No one survived.

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What happened to the peanut who went to NYC? Nothing because he was eaten on the plane

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Roses are red, Violets are BLACK!

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How do you kill a blonde? By inactivating major functions in the body, for example cutting off the blood supply to the brain.

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TIMMAH!

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why did the monkey fall out of the tree? because it was dead why did the dog fall out of the tree? because it was attached to the monkey

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An Atheist and a Christian are walking along a sidewalk going in opposite directions when suddenly the Atheist sneezes. The Christian says "God Bless You!" Even though the Atheist doesn't believe in God he understand that the gesture was a kind one and so he nods and politely says "Thank you!" before going on about his day.

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Q: What's bigger than a volcano? A: Earth

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What's brown and sticky? A stick

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3 men are stranded on an island when they come across a brass lantern. The rub it and nothing happens. They all starve to death a day later.

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What did the man say when he was asked if he recently saw a mime painting a lawn chair in the middle of December? "No." , and walked away, slightly confused by the matter.

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What do you call a person who dies in march A dead person

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Why did the man fall over...he had a stroke!

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muffled-thud muffled thud who's there? Jeremy Beadle.

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Roses are red Voilets are blue I have a gun Get in the Van

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A nuclear reactor explodes and all the waste are going straight out in the ocean. Sucks to be a fish.

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How much does a polar bear weight? The average male polar bear weights about 1500 lbs (680 kg)

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How do you make Mandy Ann shut up? Clown Car

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What's Chris Benoit up to? Just hangin' with his family

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Why did the chicken eat fried chicken? Because fried chicken is so good! Kelvin Yang.

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Is there any non dirty numbers these days, 69, just kidding

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A man comes home from work and finds his wife in bed with his next-door neighbor. Furious, he shouts 'What's the meaning of this?!' And his wife answers 'A pronoun used to identify a specific person or thing close at hand or being indicated or experienced'.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops