- Anti Joke

"I can sell this watch for $500 dollars on the black market!" Well, you could sell your liver for $500 dollars on the black market too.

Why did the fat guy survive the plain crash He didn't he died like everyone else

Blarg, with ritalin everything tastes like cardboard, but on the bright side I can taste, lucky me I am so handsome the ones that attacked us did not want to ruin "my pretty face", so I just got a few cuts before I broke his, they never see a steel fist arriving you know... Listen, you are wrong, you gotta think less about me, and much more about yourself, you feel like you should worry more about me emotionally, but worry about your feelings more despite that because I can more or less hear your body saying "please take care of me", I mean I can more or less hear the urges and needs of women, thats why I am so good around them, I dont put them in a trance "vampire style" i just make them feel safe around me because it is safe around me, I am safe at all times because I am who I am. Listen, worry about your needs, turn of all mental alarms, I can sense (I dont know how, Richard Bandler put that into me) that you are in lack of sleep, food and sleep (I can sense it now, you havent slept well since you thought I was dead, it makes logical sense, it always does, its not magic, its the human potential unleashed) So take care of yourself, turn of your body`s needs one by one, shower, eat, drink (eat something good), and if you are at the couch, go get a pillow and lie down, this is about you, because I cant feel well if those I love and care about dont feel well okay? Please allow me to sleep easily and try getting some sleep yourself even if my guys are 15 minutes away. Let me know that you feel better.

What do you call a blonde with big breasts? A woman. Some call her "mom".

What are pirate movies rated ? P.g 13 for violence and coarse language.

How do you drown a blonde? Tie a cinderblock to her foot and throw her in water.

What did the 10 year old luekemia patient get for christmas? Dead parents

How do you get a Jewish man out of a pool? Ask him politely, for I'm sure he's a pleasant and reasonable fellow.

Knock Knock? Who's There? Not a Jehovah's Witness, let me in!

What did the chicken say to the dog? Well, since chickens can't talk, they both stood there in an awkward silence.

A man walks into a bar Then another man shoots him in the head because he has anger issues.

How do you stop clowns from throwing cinderblocks at your car? Hire a hitman.

Hey i just met u And this is crazy I have Alzheimer's Hey i just met u

what do you call a white guy on a bus load of blacks guys? probably his name...

squirrels playing in the street=dez bryant playing tennis

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops

what do u call a black person by his name

What do ghosts get whaen they watch porn ? a boner

What is worse than the Haulocost? Running across Africa with KFC

What does it take to write a good joke? A punchline

When life throws you melons you might be dyslexic.

if life gives you lemons, you have some lemons

adam sucks off disabled old men for a pac of biscuits