Yo mamas so fat that she decided to get a gastric bypass to help lose the weight.

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Tom and Phill are eating ice cream Tom challenges Phill to a contest to see who can eat their ice cream in one bite Tom finishes his in two bites Phil in one Then he looks like he got a brain freeze Tom notices and says "You idiot: you got brain freeze!" Phill turns around and says "No, I have a brain tumor."

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Q:Why did the cop arrest the black guy with a gun? A: because he shot a family and when the funeral was held he cooked a grenade killed everyone and peed on there grave, later he rapped two dogs and stabbed a crippled then tea bagged a horse to death.

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How do you confuse Helen Keller? You don't. She's dead.

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why did the man leave the restaurant? because he was done with his meal

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Why was the boy crying? Because he had previously driven over innocent civilians who were all constipated and had now caused a mild to extremely large shitstorm.

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--"Do you like impressions?" -Yeah! --"Why?" ................... --"That was Socr-ates."

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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A man walks into a bar and says "Ow".

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What's black, blue and smells like fish? A dead penguin.

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rape that shit

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how come so many people die every year due to starvation? They don't have enough food and there aren't nearly enough spider monkeys in North America.

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What's better than winning the Special Olympics? Having legs.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It can never be certain, as chickens are incapable of communicating.

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Why did the boy drop his ice-cream? It fell.

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How do you make a Jew cry? You kill all of their friends and family members.

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Marvin, was in the hospital on his death bed. The family called Marvin’s Preacher to be with him in his final moments. As the Preacher stood by the bed, Marvin’s condition seemed to deteriorate, and Marvin motioned for someone to quickly pass him a pen and paper. The Preacher quickly got a pen and paper and lovingly handed it to Marvin. But before he had a chance to read the note, Marvin died. The Preacher feeling that now wasn’t the right time to read it put the note in his jacket pocket. It was at the funeral while speaking that the Preacher suddenly remembered the note. Reaching deep into his pocket the Preacher said “and you know what, I suddenly remembered that right before Marvin died he handed me a note, and knowing Marvin I’m sure it was something inspiring that we can all gain from. With that introduction the Preacher ripped out the note and opened it. The note said “HEY, YOU ARE STANDING ON MY OXYGEN TUBE!”

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A man walks into a bar. After several hours of drinking and loud unintellegable outbursts to those around him, the man wonders off to a nearby bus stop and relieves himself. He is now a registered sex offender.

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What did the black man say to the other black man? We are both black men.

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How many dead kittens can you fit into a trunk? -19

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I told you she was my Mom, but that didn't stop you!

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A little boy ran to the pool to see how long he could hold his breath. He slipped and fractured his skull.

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Who could be happier than a kid at a candyshop? A necrophiliac in a morgue

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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