How many hearts does a jellyfish have? None.

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Why did the Mexican choose the blue marker over the green one? Because he his favorite color was green, and it was Opposite Day.

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Roses are red violets are blue you have cancer......

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who's sexually attracted to bones? James Cornish

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A little girl had a sleepover with her friends. They watched a movie, then went to bed at a reasonable time. /

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A blind guy walks into a bar because he can't see.

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What causes floods? Too much water.

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Why was the women out of the kitchen? She felt the desire to relax after a day of work...

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whats green and has wings ? a flying patch of astro turf

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KNOCK KNOCK! Who's there? KNOCK KNOCK! Umm... Who's there? KNOCK KNOCK! OMG I SWEAR TO GOD WHO THE HECK IS THERE?!?!? KNOCK KNOCK! *opens door* Oh.... It was a woodpecker...

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If a vegetarian only eats vegetables, then what does a humanitarian eat?

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I see said the blind man to his def wife as the dog with no legs ran over

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melon

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Why did the cashier let the jockey off 10 cents? because he was short 10 cents

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"KNOCK KNOCK". I opened the door to greet my guests for the party.

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What do you call a tennis match between Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder? An anachronistic hypothetical sporting event that would never happen.

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What do 9 out of 10 people like? Gang rape.

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What's stronger than then the love of a mother and her child? A semi-truck

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I have read and agree to the Terms of Service.

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Abstract thinking part one of... One: What kind of idiot tries to run trough a wall, rather than to just use the door? The "Idiot" is in a cell whose walls are made of thin wood plates, the door is made of steel and locked. How I cured my own damn anxiety five hundred of one: Now this is real see? I got stressed, damn it was like something that was not me but my body scared as shit began fearing for its life right my arms shaking like fuck sweat and all that crapa? So I got pissed got in front of the mirror, stared at myself and shouted "GODDAMN BODY YOU THINKS YOU CAN CONTROL ME? IF YOU DO NOT STOP BEING SO FUCKING AFRAID OF DEATH! THEN I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!" So yeah unconventional indeed, but it worked for five times, and I never had to use it anymore. Moral: My own body and every fucking cell of it, is not the only one that fears me more than death.

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Why did the Jew wear a beanie while playing soccer? Because he shaved his head

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Yo mama's so fat, that when she jumped, gravity pushed her back to the floor!

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hardy har har.. i should be working on a school project right now!!

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What do you call a guy who has no experience flying a plane? Suicidal

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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