Stevie Wonder: Did you see the new piano I got from pepsi? Me: no.... Stevie Wonder: Neither did I...........

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Knock Knock Who's there? A bag of burning crap.

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Why was the little girl blowing bubbles in the swimming pool? Because she was drowning

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there's 4 men, a rabbi, a priest, a monk, and a captain. they all go on the captain's ship for a cruise with a couple hundred people. this was during the cold war, and the ship was mistaken for a war ship, and the russians missled it. the monk says: "we have to get everyone off the ship!" the rabbit say: "NO! the women and children need to get off first! And we should also hail to Satan!" the Captain says: "OMG! It's a talking Rabbit!" the priest then stops the rabbit to death!" the rabbi says: "The rabbit is right! But just the children!" The Captain says: "Screw the children! this ship is going to Hell, we have talking animals saying we should worship the devil!" the priest says: "Do you think we have time" the monk, the rabbi, and the captain stare and beat him to death.... "Well, he was already going to Hell" the Monk says. But during this entire time the ship has been sinking and another missle blows up the ship. Everyone dies, except for Sean Conery...and Chuck Norris.

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Q: What time do you see a Chinese dentist? A: Never because China has a flawed healthcare system due to overpopulation. It is a sad and sobering reality of the plight of the Chinese citizens.

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A priest and rabbi walk into a bar, they order a few drinks, then call a cab to go home.

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Why was the little boy crying? Because a stranger shoved explosives up his butthole.

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Why didn't Helen Keller learn to drive as a teenager? They didn't have cars back then.

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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Anthony Dephillips is handsome

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What did the boy find on his laptop? -Nothing, he comes from a broken home and can't afford one.

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Why did little Timmy start crying? Because he was shot.

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What did the apple say to the orange? The apple did not say anything at all because fruits do not possess the ability of speech.

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two penguins are sitting in a bath tub. one penguin says, "hey, can you hand me the soap?" the other penguin says, "what do i look like, a typewriter?"

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What did the Muslim have under his hood of his car? A V-8 engine.

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Whats worse than a dead baby in a puddle of blood? A dead baby in soup.

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What's the difference between jelly and jam? Jelly is made from the juice of the fruit while jam is made from the pulp of the fruit.

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why did helen cellars dog runway. you would to if ur name was ujujujujjujujujujujj

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Q. What did the man say when his car broke down. A. Damn it, my car broke down.

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Q: what is funny today A: your parents died in a horrible car accident

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What did the vegitarian order for dinner? Vegatables

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Whats green and looks like eggs? Green eggs.

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Why did the cat cross the road? Because it was stapled to the chicken.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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