So a seal walks into a club..

KNOCK! KNOCK! who knocks like that? seriously all my friends r jerks n break the door down...wow ur polite....um ok WHO'S THERE? THE REAPER oh sh** dude! NO ONES HOME! "in other news this evening, two local men found dead on theyre living room floors. Police say the front door was smashed in...an obvious sign of forced entry. The two men were apparently reading a webpage called anti-joke before suddenly having an unexplained heart attack and dieing....heh heh hey nancy...why did the chicken cross the road? because he thuroughly enjoyed darting out into traffic." "HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.......GASP! GA FA! GAA *gargle*" "wow...in other OTHER news i just killed nancy...."*runs* JOKES KILL >:}

Did you hear about the deer? He had antlers. If antlers where a kind of disease, that would be a pun.

roses are red violets are blue i suck at poems show me your boobs

Whats the Twin Towers least favourite movie? Here Comes the Boom.

A Mexican, an Asian, a black guy, a white guy, a Jew, and a hispanic............... i forgot.

Whats worse than a Jew Ben rike

What's worse than falling on concrete? Being eaten by futuristic mutant trees in a volcano

What did Pikachu tell Ash? "Pikachu."

Sure, if my waifu aproves, hell, the more the hornier. CONDOMS? ARE YOU INSANE? CONDOMS ARE FOR PUSSIES... ..:WHIIIIIICH sorta makes sense so okay, my for a moment I thought you where not gonna go trough with this... Nah just kidding, I already got you, now if you want to break free I am gonna be like "MEH!" So, uh, you shaven or not? Please dont be "trimmed", sometimes it just looks like a pussy with a mustachio, thats bullshit.

Why can't Helen Keller hear or talk straight? Because she's dead

I was walking through the woods the other day when I heard a rustle in the bushes... So I went over and said, "Russell, What are you doing in the bushes?"

your mom is so old. she can legally get a senior discount

Why was 6 afraid of seven? Seven brutally abused and raped 6 as a child.

Why couldn't Sally ride a bicycle? She doesn't have a bicycle. She also doesn't have legs.

Why was the little boy crying? Because a stranger shoved explosives up his butthole.

Why didn't Helen Keller learn to drive as a teenager? They didn't have cars back then.

A priest and rabbi walk into a bar, they order a few drinks, then call a cab to go home.

Ask me if I'm a truck. Are you a truck? You have HIV.

Q: What do you call an American who has both Irish and Italian ancestry? A: An American.

Knock Knock Who's there? A bag of burning crap.

Joe used to always talk about his family and his two wonderful kids Joe can no longer talk to or about his family because his smoking habits have gotten out of control

Roses are red That much is true But violets are purple Not freaking blue

why did one crayon give another crayon the silent treatment? because they are crayons, unable to speak

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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