Two guys walk into a bar; A Mexican and a Canadian. The Mexican guy says "Bartender, give me a 2 shots of Tequila, por favor". The Canadian guy says "Bartender, give me a shot of Club and a Molson, eh". They continue to drink until neither can feel the crippling pain of their mundane lives - then they each leave the bar, walk home and sleep alone.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

So there are 5 people on a plane the president, a movie star, and man who is on the verge of making world peace, the smartest man in the world, and the pope the piolt has a heart atack at and the plane will crash soon there are only 4 parachutes. So the first is Obama and he saysI won a Nobel piece prize and I run American see ya later and he takes the parachute next Steven hawking says sory pope Im taking this because I don't believe in God and black holes are cool so he takes the parachute and jumps out. Next Charlie Sheen says I need to entertain people and keep the drug dealers in business so he. Takes the parachute and jumps out. Then Francis turns to the hippie and says if you achive world peace it may help eliminate some poverty so you take the last paratute and jump out then the hippie says in return no its OK Steven Hawking took my back back. When they land they decide to serch for Steven's body and they find nothing. You see Steven Hawking had taken his own paratute with him and took the Hippies backpack to sell it and make some money

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What's worse than a bad anti-joke? A bad anti-joke about Skyrim What's worse than a bad anti-joke about Skyrim? The Holocaust

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What did nike say to addidas? Hi

thumb_up thumb_down +9

why was the chinese man so good at math it was his favorite subject

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why was the woman's purse so heavy? Because it had a lot of stuff in it.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Where does piglet look for Pooh? The hundred acre forest, you creep.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

I scream You scream We all scream For dead babies

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Knock Knock Who's there? Rob Rob! I haven't seen you in ages come on in.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

When does George Harrison take a shit? In the morning

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye patch? Names.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the Ocean say to the Sky? Nothing, it just waved.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Roses are red, Violet are violet, not blue, dumbass.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why'd the squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why couldn't the duck get his driver's license? Well, it was a duck and as far as we're concerned they don't have thumbs or arms and are therefore incapable of driving.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the little boy with cancer get for Christmas? Shot.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did kurt cobain kill himself? He was experiencing heavy depression

thumb_up thumb_down +5

why are black people good at basketball? because they practice

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What happened when the white man saw a black man running with a purse? He called the police. The police proceeded to chase the black man down tackling him into a dumpster, causing permanent spinal damage. Upon investigation into the situation, the black man was deaf and he was bringing the purse, which contained an epi-pen, to his dying wife a block away. The white man who called the police and the police officers involved were sued by the family for a large sum of money.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Jackson's dad told him to "play in the traffic".

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What is the difference between a firework and a dog? One is funny to blow up and the other one is pretty lights

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Vagina ass.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What does a plum and a rabbit have in common? A: they're both purple, except for the rabbit!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Guy 1: "Hey do you want to hear a joke?" Guy 2: "Sure" Guy 1: "No."

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops