How many Coldplay members can you fit in a car? All of them, the standard car has four seats or more. Coldplay has 4 members so it makes perfect logical sense

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was thrown out of the way

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Hellen Keller

thumb_up thumb_down +19

viki has 10 penises around her she eats 8 of them what does viki have? viki has AIDS

thumb_up thumb_down +19

If you're a man, why don't you want to drop the soap in prison? The shower floors are disgusting and carry bacteria. No way would any person -- man or woman -- want to touch it.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Whats long and hard on a black man..... 2nd grade

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why didn't the boy run the marathon? He was cripple.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What is the square root of 69? 8.306623863

thumb_up thumb_down +17

-Knock knock -Go away -*Breaks door and shoots*

thumb_up thumb_down +17

is mayonnaise an instrument?

thumb_up thumb_down +15

a show horse jumps over a bar

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because I threw a fridge at it

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why did the dyslexic man walk into the bra, he didn't he walked into a bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

how do you wake up lady gaga? scream in her ear.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

If your South American in the kitchen, what are you in the bathroom? European ( your a pee an)

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why was Ray Charles always smiling? because he was a happy guy

thumb_up thumb_down +15

whats pink and fluffy? pink fluff. whats blue and fluffy? pink fluff holding its breath.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What did the robot say to the centipede? STOP BEING A CENTIPEDE!!!! It's funny cause the robot ain't got no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

This night was a stormy one, alot was destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could blind some. Jonny lived in a village atop a hill. Citizens were frightened for their lives, all but Jonny. He was bullied from the age of 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest. Fear in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He said to himself, there will be nothing worse out there than Uncle Clive's Magical Basement. Jonny sat his mother down, looked her in the eye and whispered farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible. Finally, Rosie, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonny's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her ears as Jonny walked away. He took with him a carton of Ribena and his lucky medal and took his first step outside. He took the carton of Ribena, crumpled it up, spraying fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and shouted, "Nothing will stop me!". Jonny died shortly after of AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 5 years in prison for child molestation and consistant child abuse. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A woman is home washing her dishes when she suddenly slips banging her head on a cabinet. She passed out for a few seconds, then woke to find a great gash on her left cheek, fairly spurting blood. At the emergency room, the doctor asks, "How did this happen?" The woman replied, "My boy friend tried to drown me."

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What's worse than the Holocaust? Finding a worm in your apple.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Jim fell of his bike, wanna know how. Someone threw a car at him. Knock knock, who's there, not Jim

thumb_up thumb_down +13

How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb? One jew to screw in the light bulb.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

How do you make a fat kid cry? You hold an onion up to their face.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops