What's the difference between an orange? A bicycle because a vest doesn't have any sleeves.

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Jack be nimble. Jack be quick. But Jack still couldn't out run that bullet.

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Knock Knock the door's open, come in

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A man walks into a bar. Another man becomes the Limbo State Champion.

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bite me

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Person A: Knock Knock Person B: Who's there? Person A: It's the police, we have a warrant for your arrest. Open the door. Person B: It's the police, we have a warrant for your arrest, open the door wh-- Suddenly the door is smashed open. Tear gas grenades are rolled in, temporarily blinding Person B. He is then dragged out of his apartment by nine federal agents who proceed to beat him and throw him into the back of an FBI van.

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What did the baby say to the man? Babies can't talk ,the baby did not say anythingto the man!

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Knock Knock F*ck of I'm watching p0rn

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Pickup line: Hey babe, do you know what time it is? Because I don't wanna be late for class and if you told the time, it will surely help me because I'll be able to arrive early at my class not to mention it would greatly improve my punctuality efforts to help me pass the class this semester. Geez, I remember back in middle school there was a guy name Billy Jones and he used to always be late for class. His name was Billy but we called him Bill. Bill was his nickname but his real name was Billy. Anyways, he was always late for class because he would always make the best barbecue ribs in town.... (45 minutes later...) ....and I told Bill, "Man, if you were to just ask what time it was it would greatly help you in arriving to class early." And he was was like "I know but..."And then I cut him off and I said "But nothing. I don't care what kind of barbecue ribs you make, you just can't do that." So there I was, me and him, sitting down and .... (3 hours later...) ...it was awesome. Boy, I remember back in the early 90's when I was at elementary school, it was a stormy weather and we had to go to class. That's when I met Clarissa. She was a really nice girl and I remember there was a time when... (to be continued....)

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a black guy a white guy and a spanish guy walk into a bar, after they left the bar they became good friends despite thier differences.

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If there's something strange in your neighborhood. Who ya gonna call? The Police.

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Two polar bears are sitting in a bathtub. The first polar bear says, "Pass the soap." The second polar bear replies, "No soap, radio." OMG YOU DON'T GET IT?!?!?!?! NOOB

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Chuck Norris doesn't just have a chin underneath his beard. He also has part of his neck underneath his beard.

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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? One, its not a difficult task.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had celebral palsy.

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Texter 1: Hey, do you want to hang out? Texter 2: Sorry dude, i lost my phone, i'm trying to find it Texter 1: Ok, text me when you find it Texter 2: OK

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What's brown and seven feet tall? A door

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There's a Christian preist, Jesus, and a Jewish rabi on a boat. They want to go fishing, but they forgot the sunscreen, the bait, and the fishing line. The Christian preist walks across the water and goes and gets the Sunscreen. Jesus walks across the water and gets the bait. The Jewish rabi steps out of the boat and drowns. Jesus turns to the Priest and says, "Do you suppose we should have told about the underwater bridge?"

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Knock-Knock Who's there? Ketchup. Ketchup who? Ketchup-mustard.

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Why was the boy afraid? Because he had just seen his dog get ran over by a tractor

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What's black and white, and red all over? Old movies that have ketchup on them.

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You can lead a fool to wisdom, but you can't make him think.

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What do you call a 5000 pound gorilla? Obese - gorillas should weigh around 400 pounds.

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How do you get the icing in the middle of a cupcake? Cupcake raper...Duh

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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