A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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what sucks blows and gets laid in the closet. YOUR MOM VACUMING

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Why did the chicken cross the road? There was a worm on the other side. And the more pressing question is why do i watch a chicken in my free time

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Why was the little girl crying in the woods at night? There was psychotic killer chasing her with a chainsaw.

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What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? Women's rights.

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What's the relationship between a frog and a building? They have nothing to do with each other so stop trying to figure out this query.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was a socially responsible chicken and his family was on the other side and every day walks his ass across the street to go to work to provide for his family, unlike your dead-beat ass.

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why do german shower have eleven holes? jews have 10 fingers

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How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Let's ride bikes!!

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What did the doctor say to the recently diagnosed AIDS patient? I'm sorry there is nothing we can do.

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A kid who lost parents is called an orphan and a wife who lost her husband is called a widow. What do you call parents who lost their child? Free on the Weekends.

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why was six afraid of seven? it wasn't. numbers dont have feelings.

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Actually it was me Josh brown

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Ya. Ya Who? Dot Com.

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A Johnson walks into a hole. Why am I in this hole? Because rape is not an option.

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Why is adam jackson so black when his parents are white? their was alot of black dick up their during the pregnency. (once you go black, you NEVER go back!)

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A guy walks into a bar. The second guy ducks.

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why should you not shake a baby? because if it dies it wouldnt know that its parents hate them.

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What do you call a woman with one leg? I don't know. I am not in the position, currently, of knowing anyone who finds themselves in such an unfortunate condition.

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what did the bus driver say to the black man when he got on the bus? nothing, carl has become very anti-social since his brother died

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? A mechanical wheelchair.

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what happened to the boy who got hit by a truck he went to the hospitel

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How many times have I said the word shingles? twelve.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms. Why couldn't she get back up? She had no legs.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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