The President, The Pope, and a small child are all in an airplane when the pilot announces that the plane is going to crash. They crash into the ocean and quickly remember that there is a life vest under their seats, which they promptly put on and safely inflate after exiting the cabin of the aircraft.

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Why did the man steal the little girl? He didn't. She was his daughter and they were driving home after picking up the groceries.

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Roses are red, Violets are red, I stabbed someone in my garden, There's blood everywhere

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What did the amputee get for chritmas? A bicycle

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Why was the cat meowing really loud? It was on fire. Why did the cat suddenly stop meowing? It died.

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What's the difference between a Jew and an apple? One of them is a fruit, and the other is not.

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Roses are grey Violets are grey I'm a dog

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the police. The police catch them, and they are sentenced to jail.

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Your mom is so fat, that i don't think she's attractive anymore.

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What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a larger worm in your apple.

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Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? No one, because a hollowed out pineapple carcass would not be able to last longer than a month in that high concentration of sodium.

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What do you do if you see a Mexican riding a bike? Say "Hello." It is polite.

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Yo mama so stupid, she scored poorly on her SAT exams in high school. She was unable to recieve a college education. She now works as a full time waitress at a small diner. She earns minimum wage and is still getting nowhere on her search for a better job.

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What did Johnny get for Christmas? Drugs, Johnny was a convicted drug dealer, age 19.

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Yo momma so fat that she was diagnosed with obesity and may need medical assistance in the future and will be reliant on you, her child.

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What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a cow? Cows are ruminants, meaning that they have a digestive system that allows use of otherwise indigestible foods by regurgitating and rechewing them as "cud". Paris Hilton, on the other hand, is a human being. Therefore, her stomach digests the bolus (masticated food) only after it has exited the oesophagus into the body of the organ, where it is digested into chyme and then passed through the pyloric sphincter into the duodenum.

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What did Santa Claus get for Christmas? Santa isn't real.

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Q: Who would win in a fight, Chuck Norris, or a Tank? A: Chuck Norris, because his hidden fist in his chin gives him 3 fists to the tank's 0.

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I dont often wash my hands in the bathroom but when i do its so people dont think im gross.

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What is Kanye West's favorite type of sea-food? Lobster Bisque with a side of french fries.

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Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other muffin, "Sure is hot in here." The other muffin says, "AHHHH! A talking muffin."

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What's worse than seeing Helen Keller behind the wheel of a car? Being run over by Helen Keller.

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A man walks into a bar with a frown on his face His dog just died

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What is red and fluffy?... Your teddy bear covered in blood...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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