What's got 2 thumbs and a massive penis? A body parts collector I know called Harold Fortescue

thumb_up thumb_down +9

******************************************************** Okay, so there were two muffins in the oven. One muffin said, "Oh my gosh! We're gonna die!" The other muffin said, "Whoa a talking muffin!" **********************************************************

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What do you call a deer with no eyes? Nothing, you should call a local animal rescue number and care to its needs.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

How do you make a little boy cry? Cut off his legs.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What do you call a deer with no eyes? A deer. The fact that it has no eyes doesn't change the species.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Sigh, visit me with a pack of condoms, that is so romantic... Now you tell me something, how old are you REALLY and what is your real name? Oh yeah, my first name is Tifa (I know you hate it for some reason), and I am turning 24 in 30 days.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Q: What is the difference between a jew and a pizza? A: The pizza does not scream in the oven.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

How do you keep an idiot in suspense?....

thumb_up thumb_down +9

I violate everyone that do not thumb me green, and vi0late the children, the parents, and the person of those that thumb me red... Its not about the sex, its about the domination... You might even like it...Your kids? Not so much... Well sometimes... Green thumb me, and I will... Meh, then you are awesome... friendly r*pist neighbourhood Moral Man: Subscribe below, address tracker activated... LETS GO!

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Q: John gets attacked with a chainsaw, how many stitches does he get? A: None, Hes dead jim

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What do u call a man who sells hot dogs on the street? A Mexican

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why was the man hit by the car? Hellen Keller was driving.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What did the Catholic Priest say to Chris Hanson? Nothing. He attempted to flea, and was quickly taken down by law enforcement. He was then detained and processed and charged with Intent to commit statutory rape with a minor under the age of 14. He's still awaiting trial.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What did the raisin say to the toaster? Nothing. The raisin lacks a central nervous system, and the toaster is an inanimate object.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

lets go to the beach beach lets go get away story of josh browns life

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What happens when metal and ice collide together? The Titanic

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How did the mouse die It was eaten by a cat How did the cat die It jumped into the bathtub and drowned

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A rabbi and a priest walk into a bar, they manage to have a delightful evening, despite their religious differences.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

thumb_up thumb_down +7

You know you're dyslexic when life gives you melons.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

why was the woman crying? her son killed 5 people.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the boy say when be landed in the bottom of the well, nothing he was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A duck walks into a 7-11 and says "Give me some Chap-stick, and put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because, as all people know, ducks cannot speak. However, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting a prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need Chap-stick anyway, since he has no lips.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

why girl die cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops