So, I was walking down the street. As i walked past a oak door an entrance to a mental institution, I heard a bored voice going, "eleven, eleven, eleven". My curiosity, like a cat, got better of me and I decided to take a peek through the key hole and see the eleven things being counted. As soon as I had my eye on the key hole, I was poked in the eye by a metal rod. Startled, I feel back to the street. And, sure enough, heard the same bored voice, going, "twelve, twelve, twelve".

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View Terms of Service

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Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it's wide use three fingers, make sure it's wet and rub up and down. Yep that's how you wash a cup.

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A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says "Hey, we named a drink after you!". The grasshopper says "What, Dave?"

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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If life gives you melons, you have dyslexia.

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What do you call a blue horse with two legs and five eyes? A blue horse with two legs and five eyes.

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How do you turn that frown upside down? You move many muscles in your face.

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your momma's so fat that she weighs a lot

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What did the clown say when he was denied health insurance? Nothing, he died of his pre-existing heart condition.

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What do you call a black guy flying a plane? A Pilot.

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why was the teenage girl crying? She was molested as a child

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Exercise Ex - Er - Cise Ex - Ar - Size.. Eggs Are Sides For bacon.. BACON

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A women driver prepares to park in a small space between to cars on the side of a road. She safely and flawlessy parallel parks, and proceeds to enter a nearby coffe shop for an important business meeting.

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Roses are blue Violets are red I'm bad at poetry Potato

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Why is Helen Keller a bad driver? Because her inability to see or hear makes her an extremely dangerous road hazard.

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Justin Beiber walks into a bar. The bartender does not serve him because he is not the legal drinking age yet.

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Whats long, black, and fat? The line at KFC

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It's okay, I got the yogurt.

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Why did Jonny commit suicide? Airplanes dont have feet.

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Why are Indians so bad at football? Curry

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Have you ever had Ethiopian food? No. Well you should really try some.

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What do you call a redneck virgin? A seven year old who can run faster than her brothers.

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A priest walks into a drug den, most people would say this is pretty contradictory to his implied beliefs.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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