What did the husband say when his wife startled him as she appeared coming out of the kitchen? You scared me.

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A man walks into a bar. He has a beer and then goes home.

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What's purple and smells like crap? Crap. I lied about the purple

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A black man sits down to have a legal conversation with his state appointed attorney for the first time being arrested. They lawyer advises him to tell him the truth of exactly what happened. He proceeds to do so and is provided with excellent legal advice.

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Knock knock Who's there? Me Me who? Just me

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A man with a mustache enters your parents home to tell them you were kidnapped and taken to the pier 1 hour away. They leave and he goes upstairs to rape you for 1 hour. Never trust people with mustaches.

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CISSY: TIMMY! COME AND DO YOUR HOMEWORK THIS INSTANT TIM: ....................../´¯/) ....................,/¯../ .................../..../ ............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸ ........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\ ........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...') .........\.................'...../ ..........''...\.......... _.·´ ............\..............( ..............\.............\... *CISSY SMACKS TIMMY AND SENDS HIM TO HIS ROOM WITHOUT DINNER.

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A girl and her family were walking by a cliff. Suddenly - due to a a part of the cliff falling away - her family fell over the edge and died. The girl ran to the bottom of the cliff and saw her family's body's strewn across the rocks, blood everywhere. She didn't have a phone on her and so could not call the police. She called over a man she saw in the distance. He asked "What's happened?". Just managing to stammer the words through her tears she said "My entire family fell off a cliff and died". The man unzipped his trousers and said "This really isn't your day is it love?"

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In particle-joke physics, the antijoke is the extension of the concept of the antiparticle to the joke, where the antijoke is composed of antiparticles in the same way that the normal joke is composed of particles. Furthermore, mixing jokes and antijokes can lead to the annihilation of both, in the same way that mixing antiparticles and particles does.The result of antijoke meeting jokes is an explosion.[1]

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Two eggs are in a frying pan. One egg says to the other, "Gee, it's getting hot in here!" The other one says, "Shit, a talking egg!!"

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What do you call a gay dinosaur? Nothing, they're extinct.

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at poems i like your boobs

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How Do you put an elephant in a fridge? Open the door put the elephant in and close the door. How do you put a giraffe in a fridge? Open the door take the elephant out put the giraffe in and close the door. The lion king has a meeting with all the animals but one doesn't turn up, which one is it? The giraffe because it's still in the fridge.

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Q: Why was the math book sad? A: Because he recently found out that his parents died in a tragic car accident.

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A frog walks into a bar and the bartender thinks he is very well evolved because frogs don't walk they hop

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a man walks into a bar after a long day at work, and asks for a drink. he finishes, pays the bill and leaves a handsome tip for the bartender and heads home.

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Yo mums so fat she went on a diet.

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a kid walks into a room and confesses to his mother he is gay the mother then repeatedly beats him until he is bleeding out of both ears then leaves him there to think about what he just said.

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What do you get if you cross a fairy cake with some boiled parsnips? Fladgemuffin

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Why didn't little Timmy get anything for Christmas? He was an orphan living on the streets.

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Where's the best place to gather black people to roleplay as prison victims for a documentary? Prison or the Graveyard.

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On her day off, a fully clothed stripper walks into a bar she's never been to before. The regulars turn their heads to see who has just walked in, then turn back to their own conversations.

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Person One: Knock Knock Person Two: Whos there? Person One: You can see its obviously me because theres not really a door there.

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What does a homeless man get for Valentines Day? Divorce papers

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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