from south park what do u call a jew on a rope no one ever said the answer, so my answer is a jew on a rope.

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A farmer has 17 sheep standing in a field and all but 9 drop down and die. How many sheep are left? It doesn't matter. A CIA sniper guns the farmer down, along with his family and the remaining sheep. The other agents move in and remove all evidence that the government is experimenting with a new nerve agent.

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A guy walks into a restaurant.... He ordered his meal , got desert and left a nice tip based off a percentage of his final bill.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Q:So there's a black guy and a mexican sitting in a car...who's driving? A: The Cop

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What is worse than a sharknado? A bullcano.

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What did the driver have when he got hit by another car? An accident.

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Knock knock Who the fuck says knock knock?

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Many people believe that dogs are mammals. They're right

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Knock knock. Who's there? Docter. Docter who? XDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

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Why didn't the family finish their picnic? Because a dog was sick all over the food.

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If the Earth is square, why are trees smart? because you touch yourself at night

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How do you get girls to watch a crappy movie? Tell them Taylor Lautner is in it.

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Why did Sheryl Go to the Bathroom? Cause she had Direha...........

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What did Adam Sandler get for Christmas? Nothing, he's Jewish.

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If this becomes top-viewed I will post more milk related jokes

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Your mom is so fat that I worry she may develop diabetes.

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What's slower than mollasses? Your fattass mother!

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I'm 23, just like most people my age.

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What did Batman tell Robin before they got in the Batmobile? Robin, get in the Batmobile

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A black child gives away his piece of fried chicken. He is allergic, and eats some watermelon instead.

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Whats worse than falling off a bike? rape.

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Why didn't the vampire go to the Garlic festival? Because it sucks.

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Whats 89 x 67? Sponge. Whats 10 + 9? 19 Whats 9 + 10? 21!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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