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800 people died last year. end of story

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Why is Helen Keller a bad driver? Because she is blind.

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Roses are red My name is Dave This makes no sense Microwave

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Why are AntiJokes so funny? Because your brain analyses them and makes you laugh.

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I swear to drunk officer I'm not god.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Some poems rhyme, This one doesn't.

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What is life? It is a sexually transmitted disease which always ends in death. There is currently no known cure.

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If Hitler, Osama Bin Laden, and Charlie Sheen were in a room together and you had a gun with two bullets, who would you shoot? Well Hitler and Bin Laden are already dead, and Charlie probably wouldn't die. Plus, I honestly don't think I could bring myself to shoot someone.

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"The only thing worse than being talked about is getting AIDS." -Oscar Wilde

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A white police officer pulled over a black guy on the highway. The cop asked him for license and registration. The black guy had a tail light out, and was very polite and cooperative. The two became close friends, but then one night, the black guy went to the house of the white cop. The black guy brought his wife and daughter over for a dinner party, eating grilled turkey sandwiches with mayonnaise. When the cop's attractive wife asked the black guy if he would like some fresh watermelon from the patch in their back yard, he respectfully declined, for he needed to return to his own home to patiently wait for a business call from one of his employees, who was also a very intelligent and hard working African male. Once home, the black guy turned on his stereo, to listen to some calming country music at an appropriately low level of volume, as his daughter and wife had gone to sleep, for the wife also had work in the morning, at her law firm, and her daughter had a job interview after her day of classes at Dartmouth were out for the day... then Martin Luther King Jr. woke up from his dream, and was soon thereafter assassinated.

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If anything is possible try to staple water to a tree.

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Whats worse being raped by jack the ripper or being fingered by captain hook

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What did Batman say to robin before they got in the batmobile? "Robin, get in the batmobile!"

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What do you call a barrel full of monkeys? A game, you idiot.

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How do you put a bananna in a mini-van? Walk up to the mini-van and stick it in the backseat.

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Why couldn't the girl swing on the swing set? She had no arms.

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A black man shoots some hoops. One of the bullets bounces off the rim and hits him in the eye. The man dies. His grandmother is still alive to attend his funeral.

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Knock knock come in.

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What's the heaviest part of an elephant? Its body.

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Why Was Mary Short? She Had No Legs.

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Sarah Palin

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Q: What do Magic Johnson and Freddie Mercury have in common? A: Freddie Mercury is dead.

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What did the Muslim receive for Christmas? Nothing. Muslims don't celebrate Christmas.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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