Chuck Norris walks into a bar and the bar says "ouch!"

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What can u see in the dark that u can't see in the light? Absolutely nothing

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why couldn't the man see the camoflague iguana He could.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A blonde woman with her son are in walmart , as they approach the food and beverage section , they see a mexican man looking at the eggs. The man asks for help from the blonde woman about egg quality. She says ABD Eggs are the best so the mexican guy chooses that. Upon leaving the little boy points to the mexicans guys hat and shouts "ALIENS !" the mother gets really embarassed and shouts at her son for his behaviour and says it is not right. The mum gets relieved that she say that the mexican guy could not hear since he was listening to music. Upon the way out the mum spots a purplish liquid dripping out of the mexican guys hair. She asks him and he replies "Its the hair gel". The blonde and son nods and continues on their lives. - AK

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Women's rights.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do fish and shoe laces have in common? nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Knock knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad that this joke took your mind off your terminal cancer?

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A child logs on to antijoke.com he is a chronic masturbator

thumb_up thumb_down +4

it smells like up dog in here. whats that?

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? They don't ACTUALLY eat or throw wood. Instead, they eat grasses and insects and pretty much everything else at ground level they can get their hands on. But they can, apparently, CHEW wood, and that's where the idea for this study came in. The authors decided to use the word "chuck" to mean "chew" (I suppose because upchucking is the opposite?), and wanted to see how much wood a woodchuck could chuck. They obtained 12 woodchucks (by "various means" that are not described, I picture some middle aged guy in a suit trying to stalk one), and food deprived them to ensure they would eat the wood. Then, they fed each woodchuck a 2x4 (yes) and watched how fast they ate it. All the woodchucks ate the wood, none actively attempted to toss it, and none upchucked. They could, apparently digest the wood pretty well, and consumed it at a rate of 361.9237001 cubic centimeteres per animals per day (no error bars, and the food deprivation was nuts, 12 days, leading me to think they didn't REALLY...). They note that, while none of the woodchucks attempted to throw the wood, they probably would have, had they been capable. So the next time someone asks you, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? You answer is clear! He'd chuck 361.9237001 cubic centrimeters of wood per day, which is the wood that a woodchuck COULD chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

facebook is like a refrigerator. you eat it.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the Asian guy's condom slip? Because the condom was put on the opposite way.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's worse than reading the same joke multiple times? Having cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What did Jesus say when he made the first black person? What another perfect creation to this world!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why is the ground wet It rained

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Q: What do you say to someone who makes fun of you and is bigger than you? A: Nothing, you just punch him in the toe and run away

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Eat My Food!!! Joking I dont have any food

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Juan got hit by a truck Knock Knock Who's there? Juan's brother coming to stab you in the abdomen.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Your mother is average.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do you call a Mexican flying a plane from Mexico City to Los Angeles? A pilot you racist.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

knock knock. who's there? Alticka Alticka who? Alticka pudding cup.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the little boy cry? His entire family was shot and killed at his elementary school play including his 6 year old sister who has down syndrome.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's black and always in the back of a cop car? The seat.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A boy is eating with his family. A man in the next booth tells him "You are very handsome and you will be a movie star when you grow up." Then the man leaves. On the way out, the boy's mom says "You know he was drunk, right?"

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops