A man walks into a bar. He gets wasted and forgets the punchline.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

You know how I felt about Nero, no way id ever date anyone but you, back then that is. Fine I will come along, I bet you left the base at "point zero" without the information he left, you have not changed a bit Seth, always too impulsive for your own good, but Nero was always like that and that, turned out, well damn. Tell me first, if you come get me, how much have you really changed mentally from the last time we met? You sincerely sound like a psychopath and I could use a shoulder to cry on rather than be escorted to some sick torture dungeon thing. I gather you are not far away, could you please get over here asap? I do not care about more than the standard code anymore, you have not changed much, except you are a deranged psychopath now, I get it, in your place I think id do the same, I have no idea how bad Nero was doing when you found him, and I sure as hell dont want to know.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

A woman is in a terrible car crash. The husband comes in, runs to the doctor and he says "Doctor! My wife...is she going to make it?" The doctor turns and says "your wife will survive, but she's experienced heavy brain trauma. She will never walk again. You'll have to bathe her, feed her, change her diapers, and cater to her every need." The husband starts crying and says "oh my God that's terrible! Are you serious?" The doctor replies "Yes."

thumb_up thumb_down +28

A man walked into the woods... Sorry, I forgot the rest of the joke...

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Q: What's pink and fuzzy? A: Pink Fuzz...

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding an apple in your worm.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What's worse than 9/11? a dipped glass of milk

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Yo mamma is so fat She has to wear big pants and is easily fatigued.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What's worse than a spilled ice cream cone? 2 spilled ice cream cones. What's worse than 2 spilled ice cream cones? 3 spilled ice cream cones. What's worse than 3 spilled ice cream cones? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? 4 spilled ice cream cones.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his power level? Vegeta got rid of the scouter because a monocle built for displaying a person's physical abilities in numbers is extremely farfetched and he didn't want to be a part of a super race of supreme beings that still relied on such ridiculous antics

thumb_up thumb_down +26

whats worse than being raped by a giant scorpion getting raped by 2 giant scorpions

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Santa Clause, a smart blonde, and the Queen of England all jump out of a plane, which hits the ground first? Galileo's theory tells us that all objects fall at the same speed regardless of weight, so they all hit simultaneously.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What is Megan Fox's middle name? Denise

thumb_up thumb_down +26

what worse the 2 dead kids in a van 3 dead kids in a van

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What is the difference between me and you? I am not readin this joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

why was 6 afraid of 7? 7 was scary.. made by Kevin Kool

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why did Suzy fall off the swing? She was a donut.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

whats worse than finding a worm in your apple. finding two worms in your apple. and being an orphan.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Roses are Red Violets are Blue I have AIDS we're dying together

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why do vampire's from 'Twilight' sparkle? Because it's a really bad movie.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? A watermelon doesn't scream when you cut it open.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Guess what? AIDS!

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why did the boy loose his hat Because he got hit by a plane

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops