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What do you call 5 black guys at the bottom of the ocean? scuba divers

when geese fly in a v formation, why is one side always longer then the other? Because you touch yourself at night...

Why did Timmy fall off the swing? Because he was dead

Wanna know what makes me smilee? Facial Muscles

Why did billy have a bruse? Because he got smacked with a belt. -Louis

What's worse than losing a contact Having a bloody stool

A man walks into a bar, sits down and the bartender comes over and asks him what he wants to drink. The man replies, "Carrot Juice."

Just Replying to Brock Facebook request Brock you should know by now that i am at your school talk to me there. Plus i loved the kiss you gave me in science. Now that tested my chemistry. Hehe. Emma Brown xOxOxOxXXXXXoOOOOO

What is black and blue? A pen with reversable ink.

One day, an Irishman, a Jew and an American were walking home from a long game of golf. "God, that was a long game" said the American, to which the Irishman replied "aye, that it was." The Irishman then turned to the Jew, and asked him how he managed to get two birdies in succession. The Jew, after a moment of deliberation, began to explain. "Well, it all began when I was six. See, there was a mountain right next to Casparia, the village I lived for most of my life back in Wales. Every day, I'd come back from school, and ask my dad why nobody ever attempted to scale the mountain. 'To do so would be an unnecessary risk, son, and people are too busy working to put food and water on the tables for their families to undertake something so foolish.' One night, when insomnia was getting the better of me, I decided to get a better look at the mountain, so I strapped on my boots, my fur coat and some woolly mittens and left for the mountain. After a few hours of walking, I approached the closest hill which gave me a perfect view of the mountain's first peak, and there I spotted a polar bear, mauling a hiker to death." The Jew paused to check the Irishman and the American were following, when the American spoke up; "hold on there, there aren't any polar bears in Casparia!" The Irishman also spoke up; "there isn't even a village called Casparia, well, anywhere!" The Jew smiled slightly, and a few seconds later the smile broke out into a gigantic grin, and he finally replied: "exactly".

A woman walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Yes ma'am?". She orders a gin and tonic, but the bartender had gave her two without realising, and so she pays for one only. She starts to contemplate whether to tell the bartender about his error or to just leave it and have a free glass of gin and tonic. However as she is a christian, gluttony is a sin, and she already had enough to drink today. However, she feels the need to have a relaxing drink today, because as she was on her job as a receptionist, when a customer tripped on the last step of the stairs behind her and broke his neck, dying instantly, which deeply saddened her. This later led her to indulge on 3 glasses of red wine in the staff room. She finally concludes after a few moments pondering, to not tell the bartender about his error, and pampered herself with two relaxing glasses of gin and tonic. Her dead, mutilated body was later found in the rubble of a car after a head-on collision with a truck.

Why was the anti joke funny? because it wasn't funny.

ronald wants to join a gym, they tell him to lose 20 pounds before coming back or else.....

How do you stop a black man from drowning Get your foot off of his head

How many pancakes do you need to reach a 2.5m roof? Purple, because aliens don't fly

Kids are cheering about the confetti at a birthday party, the mom says the twin towers just collapsed.

Roses are red and i like Pie but seriously, i don't care if you die

Omg you bought a Prius? Children in Africa are starving and could have used that money to buy food.

Why did the blonde get a good occupation? Because she had a great education in a private school.

your mother is so fat that she bought a treadmill and uses it daily. she already lost 20 lbs.

Why did jenny fall off the swing? ...Cause she has no arms Knock, Knock Who's there? not jenny

Why are they called waiters? Because you got to wait for them for a fucking long time. Why do they call you a patient. Just so you wont get impatient, if you do you are no longer a patient and they will ignore you.

What's the difference between a Jewish child and pizza? Pizza does not scream in the oven.