Hey guess what! We're birthday buddies! May 3rd.. Yeah that's why you should give me 5 bucks.

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What's green and has wheels? a green car.

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What did the chemist say when his BBQ ran out of charcoal? Nothing interesting.

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What happens when Darth Vader farts? Nothing. Darth Vader's butt was burned off on the volcanic planet of Mustafar and he fell into a lava pit. Darth Vader has since started a program called Darth Vader's butt replacement research foundation. Please donate money today. You could be changing a buttless person's life. Thank you very much.

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If a girl sleeps with 20 guys, she's a slut. If a guy does the same... He's Gay.

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What do you get when you cross sodium citrate, citric acid, benzyl alcohol, monoethanolamine, sodium benzoate, gylcol disterate, FD&C Yellow #5, ammonium lauryl sulfate, methylisothiazolinone, fragrances/perfumes, FD&C Blue #1, sodium chloride, zinc pyrithione, methylchloroisothiazolinone, ammonium xylenesulfonate, ammonium laureth sulfate, cetyl alcohol, cocamide, guar hydropropyltrimonium chloride, 1-Decene, homopolymer, hydrogenated, trimethylolpropane tricaprylate and water? Head & Shoulders Dandruff Shampoo for Fine-Oily Hair

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Q. On a scale of 1-100, how immature are you? A. 69.

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yes... that's the joke

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What is 0% sugar, 100% pure, 150% hyperbole, 90% bug-free, has 4815162342 lines of code, autonomous, is awesome, bigger than a breadbox, bread is pain, is bringin' home the bacon, classy, doesn't use the U-word, deja vu, deja vu (oh wait a moment), does barrel rolls doesn't avoid double negatives, doesn't bother with clones, Engage!, Enhanced!, Euclidean!, Excitement!, Exploding creepers, Finally complete!, finger-licking, full of stars, funky LOL, GOTY, Give Us Gordon, Indev, Ingots, and has an End? Minecraft!

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Q: Who showed up at the dead soldier's funeral? A The Westboro Baptist Church...

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Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? Because he was to busy watching porn. And then was hit by a truck.

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How does the cow say cash i dont know ask him he is the cow.

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Q: Why can't a tomato fly a plane? A: Cuz it's a tomato

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So what makes you that much adaptable? I get the feeling I should get this by now.

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What's funnier than a dead baby? Everything.

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What's utter destruction but still has wheels? A car that was crushed at a junk yard, after the Bridgestone tires were removed for another car that could still use them

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Why was Chris crying? There was a robbery at his house and both of his parents were brutally murdered.

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Do you like cats? You gotta be kitten me.

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What do you call a baby with no future? A baby dying at birth.

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What's the difference between a baby and a sandwich? A sandwich doesn't scream when I put my salami in it.

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How do you kill a blond? Put a scratch and sniff card at the bottom of a pool.

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Why was Helen Keller a bad driver? Because she was blind and deaf which impairs the ability to register sights and sounds necessary to operate an automobile.

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Your dads dead. lol

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What srtarts with "P" and ends in "orn"? Popcorn

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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