- Anti Joke

what did one apple say to another apple nothing apples cant talk

My lady, that is the backside of trust, I have decided to trust you, how am I supposed to feel about the fact that I believe to the point where I know that you mean everything you are saying? And that if you had any interest in backstabbing me, I would be risking my life, wife and friends. Do you not get trust? If you keep thinking like that, tomorrow you could be suspecting the mailman for being a spy, I can, and could tell you that I will cut ties with my employees, but then I would have you not only to believe me, but to support me financially, I do not need much, in fact, I need you to trust me, and if you do not trust me, what does it matter if I quit? You could accuse me for typing books that alter the mind (all books do), you could accuse me of having killed Nero and taken over... The point is, if you cannot trust me, then I cannot help you with what you ask, and if that is a requirement for our friendship to persist, then you are not looking for a friend, but for a employee.

Why did the chicken cross the road? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . His family was experiencing financial troubles, and needed money. He tried applying for many jobs, but they just didn't quite work out. After ending up in the drug business to support his family, a deal went bad and he was shot, landing him in the hospital. The night his family arrived to check on him, the same shooter made his way to his room, and murdered his wife and 3 children, and somehow managed to evade police. Months after this incident, Ralph, the same chicken who was in the hospital and witnessed his family's murder, was finally released. He had nothing to live for, nothing to look forward to in the future. He took up alcohol abuse for some time, until realizing what truly had to be done. He began tracking down his family's killer, and with each day spent, he became closer and closer to discovering the dealer's whereabouts. One day, he finally figured out who it was. As he arrived at the killers' home, he took one last deep breath, then stormed in. After fighting through many of the dealers' body-guards, Ralph finally reached the notorious drug dealing murder, Foghorn Leghorn. As a bloody battle ensued, it was clear who the winner would be.. As Ralph staggered out of the destroyed home, bloodied, yet victorious, he realized something. All the tracking, all the killing, all the bloodshed he had created, was all in vain. He realized that taking Foghorn's life didn't, and wouldn't, bring his family back. Finding himself dumbfounded, he began to trot, head down, through the field where the bad drug deal happened, almost a year ago now. He took one last deep breath, looked at the stars, and took his first step on the road. This was it he decided, he was finally going to reunite with his family again once more. As the headlights raced towards him, he heard his family in unison whisper to him "You're finally home Ralph, you're finally home."

What did the doctor say to the recently diagnosed AIDS patient? I'm sorry there is nothing we can do.

How do you kill a red elephant? You can't red elephants don't exist.

Do you want to hear a joke? No.

Q: Why did the Asian boy pass the math test? A: By studying with dedication to the field.

Brother: Where is my Guitar? Me: To the Left to The left Brother : No its not Me: Everything you own in the box to the to the left Brother : Im telling Mom Me: In the Closet Thats my stuff and if i bought please don't touch Brother: Opens Closet This is all Mine! Me: Takes off headphones? Huh? Brother: Nevermind - _ -

What do you call Justin Bieber's assassin? A hero doing a noble favor to the community.

Two colleague janitors sit next to each other in the coffee room, one says to the other: About yesterday... I checked three times and it looks pretty normal. Sorry... I wasn't around to hear the question the other posed the day before, but I heard it's supposed to be pretty funny with this answer. So... Less is better then none, right?

Roses are red and i like Pie but seriously, i don't care if you die

Which brains do zombie like most? Zombies dont exist.

How do you put a baby to sleep? Snap its neck.

What starts with F and ends in UCK? The F word but im not allowed to say it.

How do you fit an elephant inside your car?: Starve it to death, then chop it in pieces.

why was the kid laying in the middle of the baseball field? he was shot in the face then mauled by a bear.

What is black and white, and red all over? I don't know that's why I was asking.

your know what grinds my gears? when I throw my car into park while going 90 on the highway.

How do you get rid of a pile of dead babies? Call 911 so someone will pick them up and take them to the morgue.

What did one penguin say to the other Nothing, penguins don't talk.

What's worse than getting full-blown AIDS? Finding a half-eaten worm in your apple.

How do you tell if someone likes butter? You ask them

Why did the road cross the chicken? REVENGE

What do you call a black man with a knife and red liquid on his hands? A chef who accidently spilled strawberry jam on himself.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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