What's red, white and blue? You're mother on her period after she had sex. I don't know where the blue came from.

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Your mother is so ugly corrective surgery would not be able to improve her appearance

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What's a foot long and slippery, a slipper

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Two friends sit down to dinner, the third is late so they eat him

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Q: What happened when Paul couldn't decide on Pornhub or Redtube. A: nothing since he doesn't have a d***

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Is it not a antijoke? When your granpa uncle or whatever used to pull out basically worthless coins out of your ears? And each time you wanted for him to drag out so many you can actually buy some bubblegum or something, the "stash" you where saving diminishes the moment you receive a new coin? Moral: Dont believe in yourself! Believe in me! Because I believe in you!

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Why was the little boy inside the house instead of playing with his friends outside? His dad just died from cancer.

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why cant dogs write letters? They do not have the dexterity to hold a pen, or even comprehend the basic language skills and grammatical layout of how to write a letter

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You read this in school as the kid sitting next to you stares at his computer screen.

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing? a fridge was thrown at her

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, What else is new?

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Why does Suzie like to wear sunglasses? Because she's blind.

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What's the difference between a tiger and a shark? One's a land mammal.

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A catholic priest and Jerry Sandusky walk out of an elementary school.

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You know who can't stand to put up with my shit? Polio victims.

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When is Florida not the sunshine state? At night.

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Whats 10 times worse than a war? Ten wars.

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Why did the man suck at basketball? Because he is white, 5 foot 2, and has no arms. Posted By: Lram

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A dyslexic man walks into a bar. He orders a drink without making any grammatical errors.

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for christmas? Nothing. His parents are dead and Santa doesn't exist.

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Q:Why was the frog sad A:He was stapeld to a boys face.

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What do you do to become a hairdresser? Set Off the fire alarm

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What is brown and has three legs? A horse. It lost a leg in a glue factory.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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