There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge asked "Mum, why is my name Fridge?" to which she replied "Because you deserve to be in one."

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thumb_up thumb_down -25

Jesse is so fat, his weight on his scale says " hahaha gotta love childhood obesity"

thumb_up thumb_down -25

How many kids with ADHD does it take to fix a lightbulb? Lets go ride bikes.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

What do you get when you cross a leopard and Chuck Norris? I don't know. Probably something like a furry yellow Chuck Norris with black spots and sharp teeth.

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Q) What do you call a black president? A) Mr. President

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A farmer has 17 sheep standing in a field and all but 9 drop down and die. How many sheep are left? It doesn't matter. A CIA sniper guns the farmer down, along with his family and the remaining sheep. The other agents move in and remove all evidence that the government is experimenting with a new nerve agent.

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Q: Why Did The Family Eat Olive Garden For Dinner A: Because it was a simple way to please everyone but letting them choose their own meal

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My lady, that is the backside of trust, I have decided to trust you, how am I supposed to feel about the fact that I believe to the point where I know that you mean everything you are saying? And that if you had any interest in backstabbing me, I would be risking my life, wife and friends. Do you not get trust? If you keep thinking like that, tomorrow you could be suspecting the mailman for being a spy, I can, and could tell you that I will cut ties with my employees, but then I would have you not only to believe me, but to support me financially, I do not need much, in fact, I need you to trust me, and if you do not trust me, what does it matter if I quit? You could accuse me for typing books that alter the mind (all books do), you could accuse me of having killed Nero and taken over... The point is, if you cannot trust me, then I cannot help you with what you ask, and if that is a requirement for our friendship to persist, then you are not looking for a friend, but for a employee.

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Why did the Chinese family eat a dog? Because they were poor and starving refugees.

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Why did the skeleton not go to the party? Because without the aid of various ligaments and muscles that would be attached to the average human being's skeleton, he was not able to move himself so much as an inch.

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A man walks into a bar, looks around, and reveals an AK-47 assault rifle he had been concealing beneath his trenchcoat. He then turns to his left and fires repeated shots around the bar, to the surprise and fear of many. Then he shoots himself. The death total is estimated at 9, including the shooter, while the total injured is around 22.

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what smells like diarrhea and looks like diarrhea? diarrhea stupid

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What's worse than a worm in your apple? Thats a matter of opinion

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Hey, you are competitive, but let me have the last word here and you will like it. If you keep poking your nose constantly, the effect will actually overlap, making it stronger and stronger, by all means though, make sure you keep some nose working alright?

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Q. Why was the black man sad? A. He had a book nailed into is leg.

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A Black and a Mexican are in the back of a car, they are carpooling to save money on gas.

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How do you find out a chinese's name? Ask him/her

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a young mother cow died in a street crossing by a large oil truck, she was never buried and became infested with maggots in the next few days

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Rose are red Violets are blue all I what to know is what do that mouth do

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Why do black people have white hands? Palms and soles are not in direct sunlight, and therefore less amounts of melanin are produced in those regions.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Sunflowers are yellow Wanna have sex?

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Ron Paul for President!

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What is stupid and looks like you? You.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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