If a chicken and a half layed an egg and a half in a day and a half how many pancakes does it take to shingle a roof? -A banana has no bones

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Barak Obama, Justin Bieber, and Lindsey Lohan all jump out of a plane. all of their parachutes deploy. except Justin Bieberrs, he then dies of cancer

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Why did the sky turn gray? Yes because she thought it meant a quarterback.

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Daisies are green, poppies are white, I have a headache.

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You know what's addicting? Heroine.

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Roses are der Violets are eulb I am dyslexic

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Why did the boy throw butter out the window? Because he was mentally handicaped

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There was a papa tomato, a mama tomato, and a baby tomato. They were walking and baby tomato starts lagging behind. So the papa tomato stomps on the baby tomato and says nothing because tomatoes can't talk.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, it got hit on the way there.

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so a guy walks into a bar, he says nothing for he now has a concusion

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So a guy with a machine gun walks into a bank, makes a deposite and leaves.

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How do you rescue a fat girl that's stuck under a car? With a pickaxe and a donkey.

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A white guy, a black guy, and an asian guy are all sitting on a park bench. They share several minutes of uncomfortable silence due to cultural differences.

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Q: Why can't Carl drive? A: Carl is a stone

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What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? We're both lawyers.

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Whats worse than anal sex Anal sex with razor blades

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Q: what do you call a man eating some chicken ? A: a hungry man (hahahahahahaha.......i should get a life)

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Want to hear an anti joke? Me too thats why Im on this site.

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-Can I ask you one question? -Yes. -Thank you.

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Why don't women drive more? Because statistically the man offers to drive more frequently

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Why did chuck norris die Brain tumor

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Q. What's the best thing to do before you get in a car accident? A. There's actually not much you can do in a car accident, considering you probably will never expect it, and it happens relatively too fast to react.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm Scizophrenic And so am I.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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