Q: A blonde, a red-head, and a brunette all jump off the bridge at the same time. Who hits the ground first? A: As stated by Sir Isaac Newton's third law of gravitation, all three fall to their deaths at the exact same time because the velocity of a falling object is unaffected by the mass of that object... or their hair colour. Idiot.

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Two men are making sandwiches, one man is spreading peanut butter over the bread and the other man is spreading honey and Italian raspberry jam over rye bread. the man with the peanut butter sandwich looks over and says "HEY, where did you get the rye bread?" and the man with the rye bread says "well my wife made it yesterday and I would be delighted if you come over for some tea, and tried some of my wife's homemade rye bread".

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Knock knock Whos there? No one, your wife was just in a fatal car accident and died on the scene, so your kids had to walk home from school instead of being picked up. Your son Scotty was grabbed by the sexual predator 4 blocks from the school, and your daughter Sally tried to run and is now under the wheels on the bus going round and round.

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What did the farmer that lost his tractor say? Wheres my tractor?

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Goats are like toilets, I shit in them

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Q: Why couldnt the kid feel his legs A: He had no arms

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm schizophrenic and so am I

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lipstick pig

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Why are women so obsessed with not having penises? I'm serious. Imagine an ordinary woman out there, who is not doing any of the activities that the women-not-having-penises thing is famous for. But I can pretty much guarantee that under her clothes at that very moment, she isn't having a penis. And for no good reason. Sometimes I suspect women keep up the no-penis thing even in their sleep. Frankly, I find that creepy. Why are women so obsessed with not having penises?

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Why did the elephant cross the road? Because it was white

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If Selfish Sam has twelve cookies and Tricky Todd asks for three then how many cookies does sam have left? Twelve. Remember he's selfish

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How do you get pikachu onto a bus? You can't. Pikachu is a fictional creature and therefore does not exist.

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Your mother is so fat, that recent test results have proved she is morbidly obese.

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Why can't vampires go out in the sun? Becuase they don't exist.

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LA Police, Christine Collins called. She wants her son back.

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What do you call a man who beats his adopted, black children? A terrible person.

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Why did Timmy fall off his swing? The Holocaust

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Q: What do Ethiopians eat at night? A: Nothing.

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A vodka please Sir this is McDonald's Ok sorry, a McVodka please

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A man walks into a bar And compliments the bartender for his great service

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whats worse then finding a worm in your apple? this overused joke

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wHY DIDN'T THE HORSE FINISH COLLEGE? HIS GRANT RAN OUT AN HE COULDN'T GET ANOTHER STUDENT LOAN.

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Why is it irrelevant whether someone is a twat or not? Love your neighbour.

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yada yada

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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