A man walks into a bar carrying a piece of asphalt under his arm. The bartender says, "We don't serve construction workers here."

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whats the difference between a grape and an elephant? the grape is purple

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What happens when two jews meet in the bus ? I don't know, but I'm pretty sure it's not worth telling a joke about that.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Seven was a psychopath

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What did the pc say to the Mac? You suck

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Friend: What do you call a farting dog? Me: A canine releasing built up pressure as a result of excess carbon-based gases produced by the synthesizing and decompositional digestive reactions in the stomach and intestines. Friend: ... Who is a nerd, pointless, has no social life, and cant take a joke? Me: No one. No one but you is that exceptionally lacking in character.

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Roses are RED , Violets are BLUE , once Valentines day is Over , All ya girls is gonna go back to LOVIN' THE CREW.

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mom:why oh why are you such an idiotic nuisance? bobby:THATS HOW YOU WANTED ME BORN!!REMEMBER?you asked the doctor to put something in me to make me so stupid i wouldnt remember WHO gave birth to me!!

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a pope and priest walk into a bar what's the first thing they say? OUCH my head

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Q: What do you do when you see a half dead black guy on your front lawn? A: Call the ambulance because he is dying

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A man walks into the bar. It was typical day and nothing interesting happened.

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How do you confuse Hellen Keller? You write a really difficult riddle in braille and tell her to solve it.

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Knock knock... Home invasion

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One is a human profession, and the other is a type of fish.

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What's worse than eating a rotton fruit that makes you sick?? Getting raped by a giant jackalope and then being left for dead in the middle of nowhere and being found by an old pedophile whose van ran out of gas and then running away only to find some water but while you were drinking it you got grabbed and dragged under the water by an octopus who has wandered off many miles from its home and then dying because humans don't have gills

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What did the indian man say to the black man? "Hi."

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What did the thin Italian say to the fat Italian? I don't know, I can't speak Italian.

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why did the kid get a bad grade he didnt study

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yo' momma's so fat that when she saw a doctor he told her that she was overweight.

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Why are tootsie rolls brown? because they are....

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Johnny Manziel is the best quarterback ever (this isn't a joke only a true statement)(this is a remake of a previous joke)

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What did the murderer get for Christmas? Executed.

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Why did the man have a curiously-shaped scar on his cheek? He had been mauled by an owl as a child.

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Why is the fat man fat? Because he has an extremly bad metabolism which makes him gain two pounds from eating one cheeseburger

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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